Dear… Whoever’s Out There Reading This,
Hi. My name is Faiza, and this blog will be my platform to talk about all things me. Why should you give a shit? You shouldn’t! And that’s okay because this isn’t for you. This is for me! I need a place to escape and flush my thoughts, and writing has always been that for me. Sure, I can write in my journal, but because there might be someone out there who might relate, or just wants to escape into my rabbit hole because you have the same question, are on a smiliar journey, or because it entertains you to see you’re not actually that “weird” after all, well, here I am.
I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and would like to stay that way. Not age, but relationship status. This use to frighten my family tree, now we’re just hoping Corona or COVID 19, whatever the fuck you wanna call it, doesn’t wipe most of us out. Welcome to 2020! None of us signed up for this. Many weren’t even prepared. I am amongst the ones that weren’t prepared.
The past few weeks have been a mission. My mom came down with a cough that’s been on and off for weeks now. Doctors didn’t test her for the virus, but we were told to keep an eye on symptoms, use cold/flu meds to treat it and keep quarantined. Which is what we’ve been doing. Things have been on and off with the constant worry about everything regarding this pandemic. So much so even my inbox became overwhelmed with new/existing clients wanting to book sessions.
Relationships seem to be taking a hit during this pandemic. So, juggling my life, and theirs became my job. By Day 16, of poorly multitasking my personal life and business, I had officially hit the max. I was burned out. I fell behind on texts, emails, stopped sending audio and video messages. I lit shut down like when a network crashes, and that’s exactly what happened to me: I crashed.
We haven’t even hit summer yet, and I was already burned out. I felt like such a disappointment. I was disappointed in not delivering as I usually do, but more than anything, I hated that I kept finding myself in a crash pattern. I’m so used to pushing myself like a work mule and then laying hunched over on my bed after throwing up for the third time during a migraine attack, wondering how I got there.
It’s simple. I get there because I don’t really factor me into my days and because I’m not as fucken organized as I should be. So I push myself to the limit without thinking of how I have to tend to my mind, body, and spirit.
Quarantine presents a lot of worries for each and every one of us, and let’s be real, the news does a great job making everyone panic. Yet, now more than ever is actually NOT the time to panic, but to self-reflect and adjust. This is something I say repeatedly to my clients and it’s time I say it to myself. For me, this started with getting more organized. Quarantine is showing me the incredible need to implement my Virgo want for the organization. Can I blame my hardship in doing this on being a Cancer rising?! *wink
I decided to implement many of my newfound awareness this past Jummah (Friday). I mean, it’s a holy day and what better time to start a new journey than on a holy day, right?! So it began with a list of the things I was going to stop from that point on:
1. STOP worrying about the things you can’t change. Have faith in Allah.
I realize it’s time for me to take advantage of this time to connect deeper with those around me. In this circumstance, that’s my mom. We’ve needed more time together because I rarely get to do that. Despite living together. I’m always on the go with work or on calls or shooting. I don’t really get time with her. THIS is the time to change that and always believe that Allah protects.
2. STOP overbooking clients!
My goal is to help as many people as possible, but I have to face fucken reality here and realize I can’t do that alone on calls. I can reach and help so many more through my podcast and social media work. I have to set an attainable schedule. “You’re NOT a fucken robot Stoobid!”
3. Add ME to the mix!
This means really take an off day. Set attainable schedules and stick to them. Learn when to disconnect from work. It can’t be seven days a week. My brain needs a rest!
A healthy mind, body, and spirit can get a person through anything in this world.
Now I’ve made lists during epiphanies like this before, yet this one seems to feel right. I love those moments by the way. When you just feel like real change is coming. I felt that. So I drove that into my day. Would you believe me if I told you that in 48 hours I had:
1. Cleaned my entire bedroom
2. Cleaned, reorganized, and decorated my bathroom and closet
3. Dusted the entire house
4. Scheduled clients for workdays
5. Caught up on texts and voice notes
6. Set up three different shooting spaces in my area
7. Shot two YouTube videos
8. Scripted a podcast episode and…
9. …wrote this very blog you’re reading right now
I’m proud of myself! I don’t say that enough out loud when nobody’s around. I need to! Here’s my start!
New mission updates are going well. Let’s breathe, say bismillah, and keep going.
Until next time…
Stay FABULOUS!!!
Faiza