Closing The Door To The Past

This past week, I released my heartbreak guide, From Broken to FABULOUS. A guide created to help others get through heartbreak and find themselves as I did and have helped many others do for eleven years now. It should have been the happiest day for me. A day that found me so humbled by the reality that I had just closed the door entirely to that chapter of my life, and yet I found myself hitting a depressive slump. I found myself feeling very empty. I didn’t even wanna talk about it. Can you imagine anything more fucken stupid than to launch a product and then go MIA? I couldn’t explain it, so I turned to astrology in the hopes that there was some sort of enlightenment that would explain the reason why I felt this feeling. Because honestly, I couldn’t understand why my spirit was feeling so empty at a time I should have felt full. 

https://www.frombrokentofabulous.com

Every response to, “How’ve you been?” found me replying with “I’m feeling something I can’t explain. I don’t know what it is yet, but I feel it, and I don’t like it.”

Of course, everyone wanted to help me dissect it, and I love each and every person for that, but this wasn’t something others could help with. I knew what I was feeling, I was just ashamed to say it out loud you. You see, I finally realized the chapter of my life, that chapter with my ex, that past relationship, the hurt, the pain, the hate, and want for revenge, is finally over.  And I’m truly happy. 

Doesn’t sound like much to be sad about right?! I didn’t think so either. I knew it didn’t seem like anything to be depressed about, but rather joyful. I should have been singing, “Oh happy day,” or some shit, but I wasn’t.

I literally hit a slump, and because I couldn’t understand why and found it hard to explain to anyone else, I shut down. It felt like the simplest thing to do to avoid the frustration of it all. For days I did absolutely nothing for days but wallow in self-pity and drink Starbucks’ Mango Dragonfruit w/lemonade all week. After a few days and countless mistakes later (don’t ask), I finally said to myself, “ENOUGH! It’s time to get the fuck up, girlfriend!” 

I had to finally just face it and say it out loud… I was down because, for the past few years, I hated my ex and all those people who wronged me. That drove me in many ways. Revenge. Anger. And now, today, I just don’t give a fuck anymore. It doesn’t mean I would invite any of those people into my life in ever again-NO! It just means I have so many other things to focus on and be happy about that past doesn’t phase me anymore. I feel nothing about it. No sadness. No anger. No hate. Nothing! And there was a part of me that wondered, “Who am I without that?” The grief, the anger, the hate, and want for revenge. I wondered that. A lot! And then it hit me. I was at the last stage of my healing. This was goodbye, and there was something so bittersweet about it all. I don’t need those emotions to drive me anymore. It was time to release all of it, and I’ll admit, I struggled, because saying goodbye is never easy. Even when that past is worth saying goodbye too. Yet it was time, and I knew that. That door is closed for good, and a new one is about to open, and it’s time for me to get out of my own damn way and start fearlessly walking through. 

“Maybe then, you can actually fucken be consistent!” I kept saying to myself. 

So that night, I took a sheet of paper, and I wrote down everything I wanted to release from my past. I vowed to take every bit of the lessons and use them to continue bettering myself and helping others. I released all the emotions that have no room in my 3.0, and I set the paper on fire, officially closing the door for good. The next day, I woke up almost miraculously out of my funk. I felt like a weight had been lifted and so I was going to pamper myself with a ‘Self Love Day.’ One of the many things I encourage in my heartbreak guide is assigning one day a week to yourself. So I decided to start by doing my makeup with this month’s BOXYCHARM box.

Inside there was a box that looked like a little book. It was the Little Red Riding Hood palette by “Fairy Tales Storybook Cosmetics.” Inside it had a C.S. Lewis quote that read, “Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” It couldn’t be more befitting to the 3.0 me.

The reminder to always keep that childish innocence, so you don’t ever let life pass you by. Keeping the enthusiasm that anything is possible and that happiness is really from doing what makes you, YOU!
We can write our own fairytales, where there are endless possibilities. All we have to do is close the door to the past for good and chase our rainbow. 

Here’s to chasing my rainbow and sending out enough magic to everyone chasing theirs.

xoxo, F