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#2 To Wait, or not to wait

Dear Faiza,

My bf and I have been dating for a year now, but he keeps saying he can’t commit because his parents won’t ever accept a marriage outside his culture. But we love each other so much and I’m so confused about what to do. Do I really let him go and throw that love away? Or do we continue to fight for this and hope his family will come around? You’ve been working with couples for years now you know if this would work or not. Tell me #TheHardTruth. NO BS. I can take it. Please.

Dear Hopeful Heart,

Let’s get straight into #TheHardTruth you want and so desperately need right now. I can appreciate the love you two have for one another, but I will stress something that needs to be known not only by you but by many other women in your same situation. 

When a man says he can’t commit, he can’t, and he won’t! Beriod!

No matter how understanding that reason might sound to you, the reality is that he says, “I can’t commit to you because my parents will never accept my marrying a woman outside our culture.”

HE MEANS IT! They won’t.

Just like when a man says, “I’m not ready for a relationship!”

HE MEANS IT! He’s not!

Nothing you do, say, or no amount of love will change THAT reality. In this case, you can’t change the culture you were born and raised in. Just as he and his family have pride in their identity, YOU should have that same pride in who you are and where you come from. It’s the loss of identity that ruins more relationships every day than you may ever know.

The question then becomes, what do you do with the awareness that you don’t fit into the world of the man you love? Do you stick around as you said and hope he and his family change this ridiculous generational belief that’s so deeply rooted in their heads? Or do you gracefully exit?

My advice is to exit gracefully. Protect your heart, value your time and mental health, and move along. It’s not easy, but it’s the right and responsible thing to do to protect yourself; the other individual in that relationship that has somehow forgotten she matters. That individual deserves to find a man who’s not only sure about her but is willing to fight for their love. Why? Because love is already a hard enough journey. I mean, you have two people coming together from two different worlds saying, “Let’s blend our blend our two worlds into one.” That shit has to have harmony at the core to survive. That means both parties make a conscious and well-thought-out decision to say, “I want to spend my life with you!” Not “I would, but my family doesn’t approve.”

“Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

I know you love him. I know you feel like he’s ‘The One.’ I know you want this to work, but I can promise you this:

When enough time passes, enough tears are shed, and enough healing is done, we realize what we once wanted turned out to be what we needed to let go of in order to land who we’re meant to be with.

I promise. 

Stay FABULOUS,

Faiza

77 thoughts on “#2 To Wait, or not to wait

  1. I’m get so excited when I see your emails mama. Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions. We miss your face and sense of humor. Me and my sisters always talk about how much we miss your laugh. It’s so genuine 🙁

  2. This is a hard one. I don’t envy the work and decisions you have to make gf lol I hear you since I was the girl who fell in love outside my culture and my family didn’t approve. Four years later he’s married to another girl and I’m still here crying and missing him. Pathetic. That’s why I’m following you now so I can stop being so stoobid lol

  3. I’m so happy you’re teaching these girls to love themselves cause wtf? NO! I’m leaving, and you know I did leave. Still healing my heart unfortunately but that’s okay. I know its gonna heal in time inshallah

  4. LEAVE!!!!!!!! If he was going to fight for you honey, he would. he’s telling you it’s not going to happen. Take him at his word.

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