RESOLUTIONS PART 2

Anxious. I was soanxious to start the night, so when Pan got out of the shower, I rushed into the bathroom to get myself ready. Every part of the beautifying process for me was so exciting. I don’t think I had ever danced so much by myself in a bathroom up to that point. My hair was looking perfect and my makeup on point, and by the time I took one last look at my reflection, it was time to start getting dressed for the exciting night ahead.

I reached for my gown, a long, low back, royal blue gown I had chosen on a website called bagladyink.com. When I had the gown on, I slipped on my heels, and let me tell you, when I looked at the finish product in the mirror, I felt like Cinderella. I had never worn a fitted gown, hell, I hadn’t worn a gown since my high school all girl prom and that one definitely wasn’t fitted. It was one of the most thrilling moments of my life to see myself dolled up and feeling really truly beautiful. I couldn’t wait for Pan to see me. He too had never seen me glammed out this way.

I exited the bathroom to find Pan standing by the very window I had spent time gazing out of a few hours before. He was wearing a royal blue button-down shirt and black slacks, in his request to color coordinate; an idea I was totally repulsed by. I’m not a fan of color coordinating, it seems to high school prom, but seeing Pan’s excitement about the idea, like any idea he had, almost always found me on board.

“Hey, you,” I said from behind him.

Pan turned around and the look on his face when he saw me was pure shock, in the best way possible. His jaw literally dropped, and he just smiled as wide as ever.

“Baby,” he said rubbing the rims of his mouth with his hand. “You look so fucking beautiful.”

He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist before kissing me.

“You look very handsome yourself there,” I said kissing him.

“I know,” he said with a wink. “Turn around for me,” he said twirling me around with his hand. “Damn babe, I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

“I’m the luckiest girl in the world because I have you, Love Dove,” I said adding another kiss to his lips. “Now, hurry up, we’re gonna be late.”

“Avril wants to know if you can do her makeup?” Pan said.

“Now?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess she’s having some problems and needs help, so I told her you’re good with makeup and you would do it.”

“So, why are you asking me if you already told her I would do it?”

“Because I know you won’t mind,” he said. “You don’t mind right?”

“No,” I lied. I did mind. I hated whenever Pan would volunteer me for things. It felt like a lack of respect for me and my time. As if I was always at his disposal whether that was in going to see his family, visiting and keeping his mom company, helping him with written work assignments, or in this case doing someone else’s makeup, when I had never done so before, nor am I makeup artist. But I didn’t want the night ruined, so I agreed and asked if we could leave a little earlier because I would need time to figure out what Avril wanted done and do my very best not to rush.

Pan agreed and took the Grey Goose and Red Bull in hand as we made our way out the door and to the elevator to get to Avril and Eddy’s floor which was in the same hotel a few floors down.

“Listen, don’t mention anything about me paying for their hotel okay?” Pan said as we rode the elevator down.

Pan mentioned how Avril and Eddy were struggling financially and unable to afford the hotel and so he covered the cost so that they would be able to join us.

“I would never,” I said a little insulted.

“Okay, chill,” he said seeing the insult on my face.

“Babe, I know what it’s like to struggle, I would never go and talk to either one of them about money you lent them. That’s between you and them. It’s none of my business.”

“Well, I just don’t want you to think that I’m not saving up for us to get engaged. It’s just theyneed…”

“You don’t even have to finish,” I interrupted. “I understand.”

“See, this is why I love you,” he said leaning in for a kiss.

The elevator doors opened on Avril and Eddy’s floor and we made our way down the hall and to their room.

Pan knocked, but there was no answer. Pan knocked again and still no answer.

“You sure this is their room?” I asked.

Pan looked at his phone and at Eddy’s text message.

“Yeah, this is it,” he said knocking again. This time Eddy answered with a stern expression.

“Sorry, she’s pissed,” Eddy said with a roll of his eyes before embracing Pan.

“Pissed about what?” Pan asked.

“Who knows dude,” Eddy said waving at me. “How you doing Faiza?”

“I’m good,” I said rather shy. I didn’t know Eddy nor Avril well enough to feel comfortable enough just yet.

“Come in,” Eddy said opening the door for both of us. “Avril’s in the bathroom,” he said to me.

I made my way to the bathroom and knocked on the door. Avril answered with a beautiful smile.  If she was upset with Eddy, there was no way I could tell because she did a pretty good job at hiding it.

“Hey!” she said loudly making her way out and hugging me before making her way over to Pan to give him a hug as-well.

“You guys look cute,” she said looking from Pan to me.

“Yeah, you guys look really nice,” Eddy added.

“That’s all my baby,” Pan said.

I smiled shyly, before asking Avril if she wanted me to start her makeup now.

“Yeah, let’s do it now.”

“First,” Pan yelled out. “let’s all take a shot.”

“Oh no, let me do her makeup first,” I said.

“I don’t wanna do a shot,” Avril said.

“Come on. One shot to start our night,” Pan insisted.

“No!” Avril replied firmly with a giggle. “After my makeup.”

I loved how firm and unafraid Avril was to speak up and hold her ground in a way I didn’t. I admired it.

“Let’s go babe,” she said to me taking my hand and leading me into the bathroom and closing the door behind us.

“Okay, so what kind of look are you going for?” I asked as I began to set up my makeup on the bathroom counter.

“Something simple, kinda like yours, but without the long lashes, Eddy doesn’t like that,” she said.

“Okay, just putting this out there now girl, I’m not a makeup artist, so please don’t hesitate to fix anything you don’t like okay?”

“Pan said you were really good with makeup and I agree with him, yours looks great,” she said.

“Thank you, but I think he makes me out to be better than I am,” I said.

“I wish Eddy did that,” she said.

I felt awful. I knew, based off how Eddy answered the door, that the two were fighting, but I didn’t know if I was able to ask any questions because I didn’t know Avril well enough for that. This was technically the first time we were meeting.

“So, you want it to look like mine, but a little lighter right?” I said switching the subject quickly.

“Yeah,” she said. “Should I put on some moisturizer?”

“Yeah,” I said with a giggle. “See, I’m not a makeup artist.”

“You’re fine,” she said as she began massaging a moisturizer in her skin. “Sorry if you guys heard anything.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah if you heard us arguing,” she said.

“Oh, we didn’t hear anything wallah.”

“Good. Hecan be ridiculous wallah,” she said.

It was evident that Avril wanted to vent and so I decided to open my ears to her completely.

“Is everything okay?”

“He’s always taking his fucking family’s side about everything in our life. It’s not a marriage between him and me. It’s me, him, and his entire fucking family. I’m suffocated really.”

“Have you tried to talk to him about it?”

“Girl, talking doesn’t get through to fucking Arabs. They don’t fucking hear us. They hear only their fucking family, not us. It’s like I don’t exist.”

There was something about the way Avril vented that didn’t seem like a woman crumbling, despite how exhausting it all sounded, but rather she sat there like a pillar. Strong, held together, but clearly needing to just release.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “That can be really tough.”

“Yeah, it is. You’re gonna wanna be strong from right now with Pan, trust me, because he’s no different. They’re best friends for a reason.”

I began to do Avril’s makeup as she gave me advice on how she believed I should handle my relationship with Pan, considering the way she believed hers was beginning to fall apart with Eddy.

“Why aren’t you guys engaged yet anyway?” She asked as I was waiting for her mascara to dry.

“We’re just waiting for him to save up, you know how that goes,” I said.

“You could still do the katb el-kitb” she said referring to the Islamic wedding ceremony, where the couple sits in front of a Sheikh along with two witnesses, for both the groom and bride, who read Quran before having their marriage solidified civilly and religiously.

I didn’t want to tell her that I had refused to do that because of the hardships Pan and I were facing before things had started getting on track. I didn’t know if I really wanted to marry Pan before things started getting better between us, and so despite knowing what was expected, or morally right to do as a Muslim, I was a no go for that option, even if it was one that didn’t require any money.

“We’re definitely getting engaged this year,” I said with all sincerity.

“He’s what you want?” she asked opening her eyes to look at me.

“What kind of question is that?” I asked with a laugh.

“I’m just wondering. I mean I can tell you guys really care about each other, but I’ve known Pan for years, and you’re two really different people. You’re super sweet and Pan’s a dick,” she added with a laugh.

I couldn’t help but laugh awkwardly. I wasn’t sure if I was being tested because she, Eddy, and Pan had known each other for a long time. Or if she was genuinely feeling the need to warn me in some way, whatever the case, I was going to stand by Pan and what I felt- which at that point was an overwhelming love and certainty.

“You’re way more mature than him and you seem like a really good person, so I’m just asking.”

“Even if we’re different in a lot of ways, we’re a lot alike too,” I said. “So yeah. I’m certain about him. I wouldn’t be investing my time if I wasn’t.”

“Good for you,” she said. “I wish I felt that way about this fucker,” she said referring to Eddy.

“I’m sure you two love each other a lot.”

“I love him a lot and I wanna believe he loves me, but I think he loves his fucken family more than me, which is fine, but let’s be honest his family isn’t the one fucking him, I am,” she said with a laugh. “So, if he wants any, he needs to act right.”

She continued to laugh. I joined in.

A dab of lip-gloss later, Avril and I were both ready to head out. She was wearing a long black gown that accentuated her curvy Kim K figure. As we made our way out of the bathroom, Eddy looked Avril up and down seemingly unimpressed.

“Doesn’t she look absolutely gorgeous,” I said to Eddy.

“Yeah, mashallah,” he said clearly unphased.

I almost wanted to make my way across the room and slap some sense into Eddy, because there was his wife standing there radiant and beautiful, and he was more focused on pouring a drink with Pan, then simply turning to her to say, “You look beautiful.” Nothing. Not one loving word at all.

“He’s not gonna say shit. Give me a shot,” Avril said seeming about as unphased by it all as Eddy, but apparently the two were accustomed to this cold environment.

Pan handed Avril a shot as-well as me. Each of us now had a shot in hand that we raised up.

“To the best night out in our lives and the best year of our lives,” toasted a happy Pan.

“Yeah!” we all said in unison as we took our shots adding a more comfortable and warm feel to the once cold room.

“Can I have the Red Bull please?” Asked Avril.

“Me too,” I said. I was not use to drinking, least of all a straight shot of vodka like that.

Pan handed Avril and mea Red Bull.

“Let’s take one more shot and then head out,” Eddy said.

“Let’s do it,” said Pan.

“I’m good,” said Avril.

“Me too,” I said.

The guys decided to take one more shot as we got our jackets on and stood by the mirror doing last minute checkups of our makeup, hair, and ensemble.

“Did you call the Uber?” Eddy asked Pan.

“Yup,” Pan said and looked down at his phone after throwing back another shot of vodka. “Oh fuck, he’s here,” he said.

“Fuck,” said Eddy who was now seeming to get more relaxed.

“Let’s go,” Pan said grabbing his coat, just as Eddy did the same.

“Let’s do this!” Eddy said with a clap of his hands, before reaching for Avril’s hand.

“Nowyou wanna hold my hand?” She said in a moody tone.

“Of course, he does,” I said. “What man wouldn’t? You look beautiful,” I added with a wink trying to make the mood even lighter.

“That’s right baby,” Eddy said clearly relaxed now.

Hell that shot got him relaxed, I thought. But I didn’t care what got him loosened up. The four of us were now strutting down the hotel hallway, taking selfies in the elavtor, and walking like the most bomb ass squad in that hotel, making our way to the Uber to start our night. Everything felt right and perfectly aligned for what was going to be a fucking amazing New Year’s Eve and that was all that really mattered to me.