2021. Nothing I love more than a fresh page. A chance to start all over. Sure, I can do that any day of the week, but there’s something so symbolic about the clock striking midnight on New Years Day and that filling of light inside of you that whispers, “Change!”
I used to run from change. It scared me—a lot. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve felt like an eternal imposter. A watcher on the outside looking in at your own life. I felt that strongly in 2020 as I was forced to dive deep like so many of us. To really sit and look at ME! I reflected on a lot as I lay in my traditional New Year’s eve cleansing bath.
Feeling a level of awareness that only deep reflection and evaluation of one’s demons can do.
I learned many lessons in the past year, but there’s specifically one I want to share—a lesson to perhaps take into YOUR new year.
I realized at some point, it didn’t really matter when I retracted back to putting my feelings on autopilot. That’s why reflection on my past, my hurt, my emotions became so empty. Because I felt empty. That tends to happen when you become ashamed of your vulnerabilities. Which I had. I didn’t like sharing my emotions much. I found comfort in laughing about them. Laugh through the pain. As Charlie Chaplin wrote, “Smile though your heart is aching.”
But…my heart WAS aching. Audrey, my twelve-year-old cat, who was like a daughter to me, died of cancer. Then I found love, REAL love. A man who helped bring me back to life in the year we were together, only to have to say goodbye to him when the relationship ended on my birthday. Ouch.
So I avoided all reflection. I was empty. I felt empty. I was happy, don’t get me wrong, but I began to sit comfortably on autopilot, and there’s NOTHING healthy about that. I became better at giving others love, understanding, and compassion, and forgot all about me. I told others to FEEL through their pain to heal. Yet, I was running from feeling. I was at the back of the line of my own life. That’s not a fun place to fucken be.
So I made an intention to allow myself to FEEL again. I implemented the same damn advice I’ve been preaching for years but excusing myself from as of the last couple of years. When I’ve felt down- I allowed myself to cry. If I was sad, I let myself be sad. If I was angry or depressed, I was angry or depressed. If I felt like I was cutting emotion off again, I would watch something that helped me process.
All the while… being patient with myself. Showing ME the compassion and level of understanding, I would show ANY client. I had to!
AND SO DO YOU! If you’re going to add a resolution to your list. Let it be-TO BE HUMAN!
If you’re feeling sad. Be sad.
If you wanna cry. Cry. It’s okay.
If you’re angry. Be fucken angry.
If you wanna scream. SCREAMMM!
Flush your spirit.
Show yourself the same type of love and support you give others. Because if you don’t love YOU first- you will LOSE yourself. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. Feel to heal. Even if it hurts.
You’re stronger than the negative emotions. You can cry while still being an unwavering Amazon. You can hurt while still being strong. You can relive painful memories without having to take a one-way ticket down memory lane.
Pain is strength. Courage is the ability to feel that pain and allow it to guide you up the path to FIND YOURSELF.
I salute you for who you are , and what you do , and how you help other women overcome the complications in our society.
You are absolutely fabulous, and you inspire us everyday!!
Good luck in your next step , I’am sure you’ll shine in your own way.
Love
Hama
You help so many of us here.. you are an amazing support to so many
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Cheers.
What’s up, constantly i used to check blog posts here
in the early hours in the morning, as i love to gain knowledge
of more and more.
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