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There’s Something About 39

By Faiza Ramunny

Today marks 39 days until I turn forty, and as a woman who’s currently 39, I feel a profound connection to this number. Strangely enough, it seems to be following me everywhere—on the backs of more two-digit license plates than I ever noticed before. Even the ages of a couple of guys my clients are dating or pursuing seem to echo the number. It’s as if God is reminding me that, in 39 days, I’ll be bidding farewell to my 30s for good.

How can I put this feeling into words?

I’m not sad, and I don’t feel any guilt or regret. Yet there’s a peculiar weight in my gut. I’ve pondered this feeling all day long, and I still can’t quite figure out its origin.

It’s not like I’ve ever been desperate for marriage or children. If I had to choose between the two, I’d pick marriage—someday, if I meet a man who’s truly worth it. As for kids, even when people look at me with pity and ask if I’m worried about my biological clock, my response is, “I’ve never been a fan of eggs, anyway.”

So maybe it’s more about the number 39 itself. There’s something about it that weighs on me. Maybe it’s because it represents the end of an era, and, if I’m being honest, I’m not entirely ready to say goodbye to my 30s. I thought I’d have met my soulmate by now—maybe not married, but definitely dating him and starting this new chapter with Mr. Right. I imagined I’d have my dreams set and aligned, not just beginning to pursue them. I thought I’d be traveling the world, but so far, I haven’t even left the United States.

My 30s have felt like a constant cycle of building, rebuilding, and rebuilding again, without ever feeling ahead of the curve. I’ve been told that things start to make sense at 40, and hearing this repeatedly convinces me that there must be some truth to it. That thought excites me.

But tonight, there’s just something about 39.

111 thoughts on “There’s Something About 39”

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