#3 “Arab Money”

Dear Faiza,

This might sound like a really stupid question, but I hope you answer because it’s really bothering me a lot. I’m a twenty-one-year-old Arabic girl living in NY, and I hate that my family is the only people in our community who don’t have money. Even though my dad and us work really hard, we’re still financially struggling. Then when I’m on Insta and TikTok, I see all these other Arab girls I follow who have all this money, travel everywhere, and have all this ability to go to nice dinners and buy designer clothes— all girls my age and I don’t live that life. These girls have rich parents, and I don’t have that at all. I feel like we’re the only people without money in our community and it’s so embarrassing. I feel jealous of those girls’ lives. Even when I see moms and dads posting the stuff they got their kids and see how their kids get to travel and go to nice restaurants, I can’t help wishing my parents had their money. I hate that we’re broke and that I have to feel this way. I love my parents and they love me and my siblings so much, but I wish we had money like everyone else in our community. Everyone outside our community thinks Arabs are all rich rich and then there’s my family. Please give me #TheHardTruth. Does this make me an evil, jealous person, or ungrateful? Love you.

Dear Fellow Arab,

Your situation doesn’t sound stupid at all!!! One thing that frustrates me about the pervasive toxic portrayal of Arabs is the misconception that we’re all wealthy. #TheHardTruth is that’s simply untrue.

No doubt some of the wealthiest people in the world are Arabs: WOOT WOOT. But…

Not all Arabs are wealthy.

I know and have worked with many such Arabs, and I can attest to growing up in a family that faced significant financial difficulties. We relied on government assistance and lived in the Southside of Chicago, specifically Brighton Park, for thirty years. That’s part of the real Chicago, not Oak Lawn, Orland Park, Naperville, Skokie, etc. I’m clarifying since some suburbanites seem to be confused on that matter. 

OOP!

There were times we didn’t have enough food to eat. Food stamps were a blessing, but it was not enough to feed seven mouths. When our electricity and heating shut off, we had to make do with cold baths. I clearly remember one summer that found us with no gas (which meant no hot water) until the Fall when the heat-help programs started again. All the money my father made was invested in sending us to a private Muslim school in the suburbs, where wealthy kids and their families surrounded us. The socioeconomic disparity between us was palpable and evident. For years, I, like you, mistakenly believed that my family was the exception while “rich Arabs” were abundant everywhere. However, a higher power led me on a path to become the first dating/life coach within the Muslim/Arab community, where I hear stories and secrets that Arabs/Muslims seldom disclose to others, even to this day. This journey opened and continues to open my eyes, even after sixteen years, to the fact that many of these so-called “rich Arabs” are merely engaging in what many others do on social media every single day: presenting a carefully curated image of their life. Turning “doing it for the gram” into a lifestyle.  

In short, you are not alone. #TheHardTruth is that your family is just one of many in our communities and the Arab world that doesn’t fit the stereotype of “Arab money.”

It’s also important to realize that the allure of social media can be deceptive. This platform presents a highly distorted version of the reality of those you follow and “envy.” As someone who has worked with a diverse global clientele, including influencers, celebrities, and others, I can promise that many people you envy often lead deeply unhappy lives. It’s the #Sad and #HardTruth. Behind the filters, they struggle with self-confidence and have unhealthy relationships. I stress to my clients, and now to you, the danger of envying those portrayed on social media. They offer only glimpses into their lives, not the whole picture.

Remember, the individuals you envy may, in turn, envy aspects of your life. 

Envy no one! 

There’s a reason I say this: you have no idea what a person has gone through or was forced to sacrifice to get the things they can now happily and proudly share with you.

You’re seeing the fruits of their labor, not their labor pains. 

Envy no one!

Now, let me tell you where you are rich. You’re rich in the love you and your family have for each other. Financial situations and circumstances can change any day with hard work and dedication, and it sounds like you are already on that path. But having love under your roof, true love is hard. You’re blessed if you have it, and it sounds like you do. So, count yourself blessed, and continue to work hard to get out of your desired financial state. Set a goal for yourself and go for it. And HEY, if you find some inspiration in those social media platforms, use them to help achieve your aspirations. However, remember that balance is key. Taking a break from these apps and realigning yourself will clarify your priorities and goals. So again, don’t hesitate to step back and focus on what you have in your life, not what you don’t. 

Remember, while financial circumstances can and do change with time and effort, genuine love within your home is a precious treasure. It doesn’t remove financial hardships, but it’s a great blessing. There’s a line from one of my favorite films, The Crow, that goes, “It can’t rain all the time,” and you know what, from personal experience, I can tell you they’re right. It doesn’t. It took hard work, dedication, sacrifice, isolation, and a ton of resilience and tenacity, but we finally got out of the ghetto. Tunnel vision, girlfriend. Focus on YOU!

Acknowledge and cherish the love you have while actively working towards improving your financial situation. Stay focused on the present. Every moment spent in the illusionary realm diminishes your chance to embrace the magic in the present. 

Remember always, stay focused, and envy no one.

Stay FABULOUS!!!

Faiza