Week 9 – Let It Burn

If you’ve been following every step in this From Broken, ‘To FABULOUS Journey’ guide, you have cried a hell of a lot of tears, reached out to your ex to get closure, erased all the memories you have attached to them, on your electronics, and then you took yourself out on a date alone. So far, so very, very good. I mean, if you’re actually going through every step, and committing to this guide, as instructed, you’re beginning to start seeing small and subtle changes in your life. Does this mean you’re not crying or missing your ex? No! You are, and you will miss them, for some time, but you are taking the necessary steps to start adjusting to life without them; and also, opening the door to the life you currently have, never mind… introducing you to YOU.  Remember, your ex is out of your life, but you’re still living your life. You may not be thinking about love right now, but there will come a time you want to find love again, and you need to be in the best possible place, with yourself FIRST, before you can add another human being to the equation. That also means you need to be clean of your past relationship: as clean as your memory can allow you anyway. That’s why this week, is ALL about thoroughly cleaning your room and eliminating all of the things attached to your Ex.


OUT WITH THE OLD

Memories last a lot longer than we would like them to. They don’t fade right away, but it does help, when we no longer have things attached to so many of those memories. For me, that was eliminating pictures I had stored in bins of Pan and I, jewelry he’d bought me, and little knick-knacks I’d take with me after special moments: a pen, stationary, receipts, movie tickets, stuffed animals, rose petals, and even a toothpick. Anytime a memory locked in my mind, I wanted to seal it there with a token; and so, memories were everywhere I looked in my bedroom, which meant…I had to really clean house. The very same goes for you.


WHAT WILL YOU NEED

    1. Time

You NEED to pick a day this week where you actually have the time to invest to however long this is going to take you to ride this emotional rollercoaster. You can’t do this in a rush, or on a time schedule, because it will defeat the purpose. Remember to allow yourself to go through all of the emotions you’re going to go through while it’s happening. Never mind the emotional draining on your soul afterward. You need to have the ability to go through this… and then rest.

 

  2. Large Black Garbage Bags

DO NOT use a clear bag. You want to place everything into the black hole of that relationship, and not focus on picking anything out of the bag, because you keep looking at it and convincing yourself of reasons as to why it’s important to not toss it.

 

   3. A Box of Kleenex 

If you think you’re going to go through this process, and you’re NOT going to be crying while it’s happening, you’re gravely mistaken. These are memories attached to a life and a person you envisioned ending yours with; now that relationship is over and that’s sad. So, let go of your emotions. Don’t bottle them inside. Cry! Be angry! Be sad! Remember: Feel to Heal.

 

  4. Empowering Music

And because no process is worth going through if there isn’t a beat that can carry you through it, right? This is no exception. Put together a playlist of songs that will help you through this. If you need help, use some of the songs on this weeks ‘Playlist of the Week.’

Now, what do you do once all the pictures, jewelry, mementos, etc, are piled in this black bag? Well, now it’s time to sort it out.


STUFFED ANIMALS, CLOTHING, JEWELRY

All of these things should be placed in a bag and donated to the Salvation Army, a local thrift store, etc. Just because you no longer have use for those things, doesn’t mean someone else can’t make use of them. I know that many have argued that there is a fear one day they might see one of the donated items again, and it’ll only hurt to bring back those type of memories, but that’s very rare. I regret throwing away the things my ex gave me, because I realized how many people could have benefited from them.  These things brought you happiness once, allow it to do the same for someone else who can build happier, more pleasant, and hopefully longer lasting memories with said items.

If you have jewelry that is engraved, then DO NOT donate those items. That goes in a separate bag.


ENGRAVED JEWELRY

I have had many women tell me they have either sold their engraved jewelry to a pawn shop, or had it melted down to create something new. This is absolutely an option, although I would lean more towards selling the item, rather than melting down something that’s still technically attached to your past. If you sell the item, you’re in a position to buy something new that can build new and better, never mind empowering, memories for you as a newwoman. But melting the items down, only finds you wearing the very item your ex bought you. If you don’t want to do neither, you have the option to throw it away. I did. Although I do regret NOT having sold some of the items; although they wouldn’t have sold for more than $100, it would have been a good amount to head to Sephora with and buy some makeup to slay.

The decision is yours. Whatever you’re comfortable with. You have options. Choose the right one for you.


PICTURES, CARDS, AND MISCELLANEOUS 

You have two options with these items

  1. Dump ‘Em
  2. Burn ‘Em

If you want to dump the items, simply pile them in one black garbage bag and toss it in the garbage can. Done! But DO NOT go out to get the bag afterwards. Once it’s in there, it’s in there. If you choose to do as I did, you can safely pile them onto the grill, or a very large pot (please be safe with this) and simply let them burn. I feel that fire has a cleansing ability to just burn away the bad and open the doorway for good. Hence the reason I decided to burn the pictures, cards, etc. Watching them burn, I remember feeling overwhelmed with emotion. A part of me was screaming in my head, “Burn, baby, burn,” while another part of me, wanted to stick my hand in the fire and pull them out of it. But the more I saw the fire consume our faces, and with it, the memories, I felt sad, but oddly enough relieved. I no longer could be an emotional cutter and go back to the pictures, I had printed from Groovebook, and just look at them all day and night and cry. The memories were gone. The pictures and cards were in ash. There was no bringing those memories back to life with anything tangible. I had only my memory left.

Now, memories, as I said, are powerful and strong. They last a lot longer that any picture, card, or engraved necklace, but it’s so important to eliminate these items in the hopes that our memories can be rebuilt with new and better ones. This is how you get clean.


 A CLEAN ROOM, NEEDS A CLEAN BODY

Now that your room is clean of your ex, it’s time to get your body and soul there as much as possible. So I want you to buy these five things:

  1. Lavender Bath Soap
  2. Baby Oil
  3. A Dozen Roses
  4. A Vase
  5. 1 White Candle

Run a nice hot bath for yourself, and as it’s running, I want you to put in some lavender soap, a little bit of baby oil, sprinkle half the rose petals in the bath and then cut the other half and keep it to the side, with the white candle. When the bath is full, light the white candle, get into the bath and just soak in it for as long as you can. Get all the hurt, pain, and sadness off of you from the long days work. Don’t go to sleep with it on you. Get it off. Enjoy the beautiful roses and the tranquility of the candle. Look at it with hope. Feel and know that you will get through this, and that, “tomorrow is another day.”


PLAYLIST OF THE WEEK

  1. Jar Of Hearts- Christina Perri
  2. Catch My Breath- Kelly Clarkson
  3. I Have Questions- Camila Cabello
  4. Humble and Kind – Tim McGraw
  5. Apologize- Timbaland
  6. Sen Trope- Azis
  7. Don’t Want You Back- The Backstreet Boys
  8. Almost Doesn’t Count- Brandy
  9. Cinderella- Britney Spears
  10. Clean- Taylor Swift

This is NOT going to be an easy process, but then again, the past 8 weeks haven’t been easy for you, and here you are, today. So, give yourself some credit. You can do this. Get clean, get happy again, but most importantly, get FABULOUS!!!

Until next week Penguins…

 

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