Here we are. Week 8. You have successful made it through 56 days of your heartbreak. Pretty crazy! Bet you didn’t think you could do it, huh? You were convinced that you would crumble, and give up on life; yet, here you are, still going strong, or as strong as you possibly could be, considering the circumstances. Now if you tuned into the Week 7 Instagram Live Feed, you could ask a lot of the questions that still haunt you; which was clearly what most of you really needed. I strongly encourage you to tune into today’s Instagram live feed at 5pm CST, where I will, once again, be doing the same.
What I feel, is still constant, is the many times I’m still asked: Is it still supposed to hurt this much?
Absolutely! Anyone who tells you that it doesn’t hurt after eight weeks is a robot, or really didn’t give a damn about the relationship to begin with. They’re the lucky ones! The ones who were hoping the relationship would end, because they didn’t see their future with that person, and now that it’s finally done, they’re dancing to Pharell’s ‘Happy,’ while showering. But all of you. Those with feelings deeply rooted in that past relationship (hopes, dreams, and wishes), are still hurting and it’s going to continue to hurt. Therefore, Week 8 is now going to focus on you doing the one thing you did with your ex…
GO ON A FIRST LUNCH DATE- WITH YOU
That’s right- Today starts your journey to start working on YOU. YOU are taking YOU on a date with YOU. It’s time for you to spend some one on one time with the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with- YOU! Now, I’m not talking about going out for a coffee, or grabbing some snacks from Walgreens, and going back home to eat, cry, and watch re-runs of Boy Meets World. You are getting dressed up, like you would have done to go on a first lunch date with a partner, and you’re going out on a date with yourself.
Scared yet? I know I was, because it isn’t easy to spend time with yourself; especially, when you really don’t necessarily like who you are just yet. Notice I said, “just yet,” because that will change.
So, what are you going to need to do for this first date?
DRESS TO IMPRESS
I know you might think going out with yourself means you can go out in the same sweatpants you’ve been crying in for the past two weeks. Especially after deleting your ex’s pictures, videos, and messages, but it’s time to get your ass in the shower, wash and style your hair, put on some makeup, and find a kick ass ensemble. When I took myself on a date, I wore a pair of dark blue jeans, a grey cardigan and three inch black heels. My hair was styled in beach waves with my makeup just right. Sure, I had to use a little more concealer than normal, because I had some serious dark circles creeping in from insomnia, as well as endless tears shed daily, so you might have to end up the same. But I want your face beat, your hair did, and your ensemble on point. I’m serious!
ALL HAIL QUEEN FABULOUS
Now, you should know this wouldn’t be my ‘From Broken, To FABULOUS’ journey, if it didn’t include a crown. That’s right ladies! You are going to buy yourself a crown, put it on, and go on your date. I don’t give a flying, you know what, who looks at you, or how embarrassed you feel. You’re the Queen of your life, regaining your thrown, after losing yourself in a relationship that aimed to break you; get your damn crown on and start acting like the Queen you are that’s going to survive this. I did! Did people look? Yes. Did some snicker? Yes. Did I care? A little, but as the day went on, I didn’t. Why? Because nobody knows what you’re going through in your life, besides you. You’re going through a lot of shit, and you need to start working on getting fabulous again, so start acting like what you are- A Queen!
So, once you have your crown, you can now find a lunch spot. For me, it was Noodles & Company. I absolutely love their pot stickers, so it was an easy lunch decision for me. I went in, ordered my food, crown and all, even had a few compliments about it, and took my seat. Was it awkward to be sitting alone? Yes, but you’ll be surprised how much you learn about yourself, others, and life in general, simply by observing your surroundings. Which leads me to:
DO NOT’S FOR YOUR FIRST LUNCH DATE
- Do NOT use your cellphone as an escape. If you’re sitting texting, Snapchatting, or browsing YouTube videos, during your lunch date, you’re disrespecting your time with YOU. Respect your time, and company, enough to not allow electronics to interfere.
- Do NOT bring headphones with you. There’s no need. This is time for you to be on a date with yourself. You shouldn’t be listening to music while you’re eating, OR using the headphones to watch videos on your phone, because you feel awkward sitting their alone. It’s okay to feel awkward. You’re going to feel awkward alone at first, but I promise that will change. Awkward is how we grow. Grow!
- Do NOT invite a friend along mid date, simply because you feel embarrassed to be sitting there alone. This is a date you go on ALONE! NO COMPANY!
- Do NOT use this time to start remembering all the times you went out with your ex, and how much you miss that. You have all the time in the world to do that as you lay awake at night unable to sleep. This date is NOT the time to do that! This is a date for you to spend time with you. I can’t stress that enough. Spend time with you. Look fabulous in your crown. Smile at strangers. Dance to the music that’s playing in the restroom, as you wash your hands. Do NOT make this date about your ex. This is about YOU, YOU, YOU!
My first date alone was about as awkward as it was comfortable. I felt almost accomplished the moment I made my way back to my car and said, “Wow! You just did that! You just spent time with yourself minus any distractions,” and I did it all with a crown on. How FABULOUS is that?! As time went on, and these dates became a weekly occurrence (minus the crown), I found myself slowly becoming more and more comfortable with myself. This was the time I began to build my life’s foundation in myself. I didn’t know it then, but looking back, this first date alone, made all the difference in how I enjoyed my own company. It will do the very same for you!
This is NOT a week about your Ex! This is NOT a week to think about him/her! This is a week to think about YOU! Next week we’re back to them. But this week, it’s all about YOU!
Now, this date isn’t the only thing you will be doing for you. You have a couple of Fabulous homework assignments for this week.
WEEK 8 ASSIGNMENTS
1 Clean out your closet. I want you to remove all the shit you know you will never wear and make room for the new you; the you that can fit into that outfit you have stored all the way in the back. The you that knows she’s NEVER going to wear that corduroy blazer. Out with the old you, and in with the new you.
2 Organize your heels and find a pair that will become your Go- to-Heels. These Go-to-Heels should be about 2-3 inches and have a thick heel. Why? Because next week you’re going to learn how to walk with confidence and you’re going to need to use these particular heels to do that with. So, no better time to get organized than this week.
Do this all, while you jam out to this weeks…
SONGS OF THE WEEK
- Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya
- Pretty Girl- Maggie Lindemann
- Don’t Kill My Vibe – Sigrid
- Walking On A Dream – Empire of the Sun
- Shout- The Isley Brothers
- Regret In Your Tears- Nicki Minaj
- Unforgettable – French Monntana
- Kan Tayeb- Amr Diab
- You Should Be Dancing – Bee Gees
- Clean –Taylor Swift
You’re doing so fucking amazing Penguins. Don’t STOP now- keep going!