It seems that across the Chicago area, it wasn’t only factually cold in the city, but a figurative arctic blast had seemed to hit more than a dozen women’s hearts across the city. Wednesday I went to coffee with Inas, a thirty six year old Jordanian hairdresser with the “down low” on all the latest gossip. This woman always started her broadcasts as if she was announcing the Gossip Weekly headlines.
“You will never believe what Sahar did to remove her stretch marks,” she said and continued going on about some new cream she was sure was the cure, then she went on about how Sahar was now single.
It came to me as somewhat of a shock considering that Sahar had been with her boyfriend for over four years. According to our Jordanian reporter, the boyfriend claimed he couldn’t commit yet because he wasn’t financially stable enough to take care of a wife, and yet, it was clear to all how much the two cared about each other. But as Inas prattled on, she continued by saying that Sahar wasn’t the only broken heart in the high rise overlooking the city skyline, but also Alaa, a Palestinian pharmacist, who had recently called off her engagement to Jamal, a man she had known for over two years. The list of newly broken hearts seem to go on and on.
“I guess summer is officially over” said Inas as we left the coffee shop.
I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to all of these beautiful ladies who were certain they were with their ‘Forever’ men. Apparently, they were living under the delusion that these ‘men’ were sincere. Yes, it sucks to come to the realization that you were fooled. It sucks to finally wake up and ask yourself “What the hell am I doing?”
“Girls need you now, wallah,” said Inas as she continued to admire her blinged-out out pointy nails with more crystals than a decorative phone case. “You need to tell us how to get over heartbreak. What do we do? What can we do?” she added making me laugh.
“What am I suppose to say? Sit in bed and cry until it doesn’t hurt anymore?” I said with an insincere laugh.
“If that’s what happens, yeah! You helped me a lot when I was going through my breakup. A lot! You don’t remember do you?” she asked looking at me confused. “Oh my God this is perfect. I’m going to give you the paper you wrote me last year about breakups! You need to share it. Wallah it was spot-on! Exactly to the point. Share it with your readers.
So without further ado ladies, here it is:
HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP
- Cry until you can’t cry anymore.
- Delete him from every social network.
- “No you cannot hire a hitman!”
- STOP CALLING HIM AND FEEDING INTO HIS SHIT!
- Change your number so there’s no way he or anyone he knows can contact you, and delete him from your contacts so that you won’t be tempted to call or text him again! This will firmly validate that it’s done!
- “No you are NOT calling him private! Put the God damn phone down woman!”
- Start downloading songs that make you feel stronger and a couple that remind you of him because, you’re an emotional masochist who needs to level things out a little.
- Stop eating so much! You’re going to regret this!
- Start hitting the gym. He needs to see you looking like the amazing Amazon that you are!
- STOP STALKING HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
- Start dressing up again. Fixing your hair, putting makeup on. Even if it’s just to stay home. You need to get into the habit of doing the things that make you start looking and feeling like who you were before he ever came into your life.
- Take drives. Whether it’s in your own car or with a friend. Just put the windows down and blast music that makes you feel alive and happy.
- STOP trying to look for him in familiar places at familiar times of the day. It’s done! Over! That needs to become your reality. You can’t expect the man that broke you, to put it back together again. Let it go! (cue Frozen theme)
- Meet up with your closets friends that tell you, “Fuck him! You’re gonna find someone way better. Trust me!” You need them in your life. They make you feel whole again.
- Cry a little more every once and a while when a memory digs its way back to your consciousness, then smile, and blast Rihanna’s Fading.
- Understand that you will NOT get answers to questions you wish he would answer. The clarity you’re searching for from him, is off the table. Completely. You truly don’t need the answers. They will only lead to more questions and you’re done living in confusion.
- Start doing the things that make you happy again. Painting, walk around the city, go to movies, shopping, that’s always a good idea (wink). Anything that makes you smile again.
- Embrace your single status. Being single is amazing. Stop allowing other people to make you think you’re some object to be pitied because you’re single. You’re amazing! You’re worthy! You are fucking Fabulous! Start acting like it!
- Take yourself out on dates. You don’t need a man to take you out! Enjoy spending time with YOU! This is very important!
- Pat yourself on the back when you realize you haven’t thought about him in a while. He’s fading…and you’re coming into the world again.
Remember we DON’T need men in our lives to make us happy. We need to be happy with US. Of course we want to have a life partner and it WILL happen, but we need to be happy with US before we can add anyone else to the equation.
Then when you least expect it, you’ll see a guy who will catch your eye and you his, and you’ll feel something again, a familiar feeling. How exhilarating.
To the magic of love… keep believing!