My Merry Go Round

There comes a time in every single woman’s life when she’s confronted with the memory or some sort of news about her ex.  The man she believed she would have a life with.  The man who made her believe that they were going to have a future.  That they were special.  The man that convinced her that he was not like the man who broke her heart before and that if she opened her heart to him, that he would show and give her the world.  That man for me was Hani.  He made his way into my family’s hearts and even into mine—regardless of the fact that it was sealed tightly shut after Nidal Fukhme had fucked me over by cheating on me with a Polish girl with bleach blonde hair and Double D breasts that had become the envy of many flat-chested girls in the community… including this one.  Although we only knew each other for three months, I fell for Hani—regardless of the fact that he had a flat ass and an obsession with reminding me that I was “too thin” and insisted that I “take some protein shakes so you can gain some weight!”After he decided to go M.I.A., I often found myself wondering what the hell happened?  He never called my family to tell them why he wanted to throw away three months without a word.  But I suppose his ultimatum should have given me a heads up that we would not be seeing each other again.

“Listen,” he said to me the last time we actually had a conversation.  “I’ll marry you tomorrow if you quit writing and stay at home to be a wife and have kids and support me and my career.” He added a smug look on his face that had toothpaste residue on several pimples he was trying to dry up.  I wanted to tell him.  I had every intention, but once those words came out of his mouth and I realized what a prick he was, I decided to let him and Colgate carry on the rest of the night together.

Although I never received any closure from Hani, I moved on with my life and used his picture as target practice on my dartboard.  I hadn’t heard about him much and my girlfriends swore never to mention his name—until Sunday night.

I had been doing what I normally do everyday since my last post: working away on my book (which had put me in the ER twice from an aura migraine attack caused by stress, nevermind a drastic increase in my white hairs).  Of course this only confirmed to my cousin that I was in fact getting old and needed to get married.  As I was just finishing the edits on the first half of my book, my phone was suddenly flooded with text messages.  Normally I ignore my phone and yet the incessant vibrating called me to check it, so I did.  It was a picture from a wedding that a frienemie of mine was attending.  The groom?  Who else, but my ex Hani.  That’s right, he was alive and well and getting married.  The bride, a 5’10” twenty-two-year-old Polish girl.  It felt like déjà vu all over again.


Nidal: Met when I was twenty-four.  Love at first sight. Engaged a few weeks after meeting and together for three months before finding out he was disloyal.  Almost six months later he married the girl he was cheating on me with who was: a Polish girl.

Hani: Met a week before my twenty-seventh birthday. It wasn’t love at first sight.  I was withdrawn and careful with my feelings, but gradually opened up in the first two months we were together, until I finally fell for him.  He made an ultimatum at our three-month mark and when I didn’t accept it, became withdrawn until he never called me back.  A year and a half later, he’s married: to a Polish girl.

The texts continued coming in.  Some were from friends who had heard about the marriage and were sincerely sorry for what happened, while others indulged in my ironic luck.  “Looks like every guy ur w runs off with Polish girls lol,” said one text from a girl who I couldn’t even snap back at because I was much too shocked with the pictures.  It seemed that everyone wanted me to know about Hani’s marriage to the 5’10” Polish girl since not only were text messages pouring in, but my WhatsApp also became flooded with pictures from Hani’s Facebook page that had documented his engagement to the girl as well as their wedding.  I had remained oblivious to this, since I promised not to stalk his Facebook page when I finally realized he was never going to contact me.

Naturally I put an end to this ‘No Stalking His Facebook’ rule and went exactly there.  His page was filled with pictures of the two. Initially I felt nothing.  It was actually rather strange.  I didn’t feel emotional in the least.  I wasn’t hurt, sad, or brokenhearted at all, although I should have been.  I decided to find out more about the Polish titan he married and so I clicked on her Facebook page and it was then that I finally felt the sting.  It wasn’t because of their pictures, but rather the date behind them.  The two were posting pictures together around the same time that Hani and I were together.

I was, yet again, the other woman and nothing about that felt good.  It was bad enough to be the laughing stalk of your haters who believed that everything you touched went Polish, but also to know that whatever the hell it was that I believed Hani and I had meant nothing—there was no sincerity in any of it.  I know I sounded bitter to some and although it should have bothered me, it didn’t.  I think every woman who meets a man who sits across from her family adjusting his Harry Potter glasses before saying, “I’m interested in your daughter for marriage” deserves to be bitter when she finds out that he was cheating on her.  It seem that any girl who walked a mile in my single girl heels completely understood my position and offered their condolences—as if I were burying a loved one.  I suppose I was burying something: any thoughts of ever getting closure directly from Hani.  But nonetheless, I had closure and I felt a sense of relief.  I felt as if I had dodged a bullet, both with Nidal and Hani.  It didn’t matter what they had done anymore, or that they were cheaters, it only said to me that somewhere Allah was protecting me from marrying a disloyal man with a oversized ego and a nose that I once thought was distinguished, but only now can see it for the zip code it actually deserves.  Yes I’m aware I sound bitter.  No I don’t giving a flying hummus platter.

So to all those ladies out there that have been hurt by men who are non-committal, I say we keep our heads up and our heels high and continue to strut our way through life knowing very well that there will eventually come a man that will sweep us off those heels and show us exactly why it never seem to work with all the other jerks who were stupid enough to hurt us.  Deuces!

73 thoughts on “My Merry Go Round

  1. I did enjoy that ending. Damn right!
    Allah forces us to dodge the bullets even when we’re so willing to get shot.

  2. ….. sigh ….hhhhhhhh…. I am getting older here.

  3. careful faiza (and k-money). that’s a two sided coin. 😉

    1. What’s a two-sided coin Sir. Michael? The iron board ass comments?

      1. yes. judging by faiza’s pics i’m not putting her on having a whole lotta junk in that trunk. she’s got more of a twiggy physique then say a j-lo.

        put you know what chris rock once said, “i only know one thing about women. if a white girl asks you if these jeans make her ass look big you say no. and if a black girl asks you say yes.”

        but i think i have wandered into a mine field here. a grey or rather brown area. perhaps best to just stop digging and mixing metaphors.

        ah, what the hell, so do you have some glamor shots rocking the blue jeans? you got a northside face with a southside booty? even the whites boys gotta shout? 😉

        1. ^^^forgot my name again.

  4. Great post and I sorry to hear about what he did to you 🙁 But you’re better and stronger than that.

  5. Faizah, your post begs the question:
    Why do educated Arab men tend marry out of their culture?
    Does this imply that there is something not right about the culture? Something that must be changed?
    Is it the man’s way to revolt against the outdate custom of arranged marriages?
    Just wondering ??????????????

    1. I think these are great questions. I wonder if anyone can actually answer them though. Because it might just be preference. I was told when Arab men marry outside their culture it’s because they like light skin women and most Arab girls are olive complected. It’s about preference. That’s what I’ve always been told.

      1. That’s pretty pathetic. In a marriage one has to live on a day to day basis with a person’s character and skin color has nothing to do with it.

        1. It may be pathetic, but unfortunately it’s the truth. I remember when Spanish soap operas began showing in Jordan in the nineties, and more and more men began divorcing their wives and marrying “Spaniolias.” In order to try and turn the tide our way, many Arabyas began getting plastic surgeries, going on diets, changing the way they dressed, etc. Not meant in a derogatory way towards Spanish women. It’s actually a compliment, but I remember growing up hearing about those things and seeing them up close and personal. So, I’m with Amira on this one.

          1. Are you saying that these men think of themselves and their culture as inferior?

          2. YES! lol

    2. Not at all, Mosli. They think of US as inferior!

      1. I am a bit confused here, Khalida, when you wrote “US” do you mean U. S. citizens or us Middle Eastern?
        But then, from where I stand, it looks like Arab men who are married to non Arab women, especially blond ones, love to show them off as “trophy wives.”

        1. Oh, come on Mos. I meant US, as in ‘us.’ What the hell does a country have to do in this conversation? We’re talking about Arab men feeling superior to everyone and their brother, and seeing US (not the U.S.), as objects to be cast-a-side in favor of…. yes….. blonde, busty, collagen injected women from outside their culture pool.
          Sad thing is….. given the opportunity…..what makes them think we wouldn’t jump ship for something that looks like a John Hamm, or a Bradley Cooper, or even a Tom Cruise -even if he is running neck and neck with Methuselah when it comes to years.

          1. “Arab men feel superior to everyone…” I suppose that this is the reason they believe women are inferior being. Makes them feel big, right!

            Your second point, I agree with you, as they say in America, ‘what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.’ Let’s insinuate we are interested in marrying Caucasian looking males, that should get a pretty intense conversation going!

          2. Mosli, have I told you lately that you’re my hero?

  6. In the old days women knew that their men had needs that we could/may not be able to satisfy, and in order to keep peace and a roof over our heads, we overlooked his roamings about. Had you married this man, and found out he had this other young lady, or any other young lady on the side, you would have gone off your rocker. I believe its best if you remain single dear, because marriage is not for the faint hearted.

    1. you know what if this is an arrangement you’ve both agreed upon prior to your husband sleeping about
      and if it’s something that’s working out for the both of you then great!
      if he’s lying to you and sneaking about behind your back then this is infidelity
      it’s something most people tend to want to avoid when they agree to a traditional marriage

      and men don’t have ‘special needs’ this is nonsense
      don’t buy into that garbage
      because chances are if you had your ‘special needs’ satisfied else where he would flip his shit

      anyways if you really are content then don’t bother with me
      if you’re happy thas great

      1. “Special needs” my foot! It might interest you to know that men AND women have the save needs when it comes to sexual appetite.
        Moreover, a “ménage a trois” is unacceptable. Either way, when a man has a girl on the side or a woman has a beau on the side, the marriage is a façade and everyone is miserable: husband, wife and children.

        1. i thought you lived in france back in the day? didn’t mitterrand’s wife and misteress sit next to each other at his funeral? just saying.

    2. This is crazy. No offense.

      1. None taken.

        1. I don’t think she meant you Mosli. Your post is all sense. Unlike HMF.

    3. What did I just read?

      1. Some stupidity from some major ass wipe! Why?

  7. And where the Hell is Mosli?

    1. I am here; was very busy this past 10 days.

      1. I’m glad! You’re always sorely missed!

  8. Sir Michael, Sir Michael…… where for art thou, Sir Michael?

    1. i’d given up on your girl. thought it was a huge mistake not to keep up her blog while writting the book. but it looks like many of her peeps are loyal even without a weekly post. good to see. maybe she is doing a mcrib style campaign? sometimes it’s available, sometimes it’s not.

      maybe it it just the grass is always greener mentalitly for these A-Rab men. and i thought we were supposed to be beyond this?

      but i don’t think you are allowed to make fun of polacks anymore? large breasted or not?

  9. I think this guy is the epitome of wanker. He should have had the balls to bloody tell you that it was over. So unfortunate that these men never seem to learn and they always get away with it. He’ll get his when you become a star. 🙂 Can’t wait!!!!! More info on the book please love.

    1. Hey, K 4RM UK! Welcome to the site!! Haven’t seen you around…. so… I’m very happy you’re joining us now. Oh, and I totally agree with the “star,” comment about Faiza. If this girl, with this kind of terrific writing doesn’t get somewhere, I’m going to sell my ass to the Devil and see if that gets her going places.

      Wait……. maybe I can sell it to Flatbum Hanny and finish paying off my grad school.

      1. Wallah your too funny. My Lord! lol

  10. Love this. He’s a jerk. Let him go roll with the pigs where guys like him belong.

    1. lol

    2. And Yusra, what makes you think if pigs were men they’d act like that? Me thinks that in this….. even they’re too good for him. Let him go wallow in BIG STINKY POOL OF SHIT WITH THE REST OF HIS KIND because that’s where terds like HIM belong!

  11. Best post ever! Love this!!!

  12. Best line is the one about his flat ass and the harry potter glasses. roflmao

    1. @Faiza….. damn girl…… are you in dire need of glasses? I sure hope so, because I happen to admire you…… and there aren’t many people on this planet who have that……. but if a guy with a flat-ass, and Harry Potter glasses was making your heart skip a beat…….. I think I’m going to seriously reconsider that admiration because you must be OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN’ MIND!! Shoot……. I’d rather die an old single maid than walk around with an assless guy! EEEWWWW!!! BARF!!!!

      1. People fall for ugly blokes all the time. Love blinds us all. I have been so unfortunate to fall for some monsters and only notice they weren’t my type after we break up. lol

        1. Guess you’re right K 4M. I sound like I’m talking to one of 007’s comrades. Okay…….. now….. where were we…… oh, right…. you were saying that love is blind and that you’ve dated some monsters. LOL! I haven’t dated anyone, unfortunately, monster, zombie, living flat ass, or anything that vaguely resembles a human being of the opposite sex, but….. yea, I know where you’re coming from Comrade K 4M. In the movie ‘Under the Tuscan Sun,’ this question is asked: “What is it about love that makes us so stupid?” I think that says it all.

          1. Exactly. Proud of your sister for holding to your beliefs. 🙂

    2. Just like guys like bug butts so do we. lol

      1. Oh, hell yea! I’m sorry. I’m NOT interested in ending up….. really with anybody……… but if I had to end up with somebody, it wouldn’t be a guy who’d keep sliding off the toilet seat. He better pack something back there. If I’m in need of an ironing board…… I’ll buy one at my local Walmarts. Don’t have to marry the f**kin’ thing!!

  13. Great post. Glad ur back to writing. Have missed u. Keep ur head up. xoxoxoxox

  14. This guys is such a cheater and I’m so sorry you keep hitting into these kind of dirt bags. You are smart and beautiful and deserve the best and you’re going to find it. Can’t wait to read alls about it when you do. Big hugs.

  15. He’s not a real man. Real men don’t run off and not tell a woman they said they were interested in to marry and then stop talking to them. You’re right you were the other woman and he probably thought he’s try an Arab girl and see if he could fall for her instead of marrying the Polish girl because he knows how that’s seen to Arabs. You were his rest dummy and he’s a real pussy for doing that. You deserve better. Say hamdulillah.

    1. Yea, and “real men” don’t have flat asses. Can’t get over that. It keeps playing in my mind. A guy who looks like an ironing board with pants from behind. @ Allah……. please…… ya Rub….. don’t ever punish me with a man who looks like he was standing in the middle of I94, with his back to an oncoming semi going about 90 on the highway. PLEASE!!!!!

      1. lol you’re very funny.

        1. Thanks Comrade K 4M! : )

  16. Screw him and the horse he rode in on. You deserve better. He was intimidated by a strong independent woman. Now he probably has a girl that is more submissive than you. Be strong and continue to move forward. You’ll find someone as strong as you and won’t be intimidated by you or try to hold you back.

    Lmao at the flat ass comment.

  17. The end—- amazing!!!!!!

  18. So proud of you. Stay positive beautiful. He’s a jerk and you deserve better. I feel bad for his wife because he’s not going to be loyal if he did that to you.

    1. Never mind him not being loyal to his wife, Muna. How’s about feeling sorry for his wife because she got stuck marrying a man who’s half dork and half wall?

      1. I agree. He will probably do the very same thing to her.

        1. She should be so lucky!

  19. Your ending to this post is just freaking amazing. Love it. Single ladies rule!!!!!

    1. So do men with asses.

  20. Great entry Faiza. He’ll regret it one of these days. Trust me.

  21. I would never hurt you like that. 🙁

  22. Not shocked. Araby guys nowadays aren’t loyal. Sorry to hear about this. Love you and your writing and will make duaa for you. Stay positive and classy as always. Love this post.

    1. That’s bullshit.

    2. I’m a Arab guy and I’m loyal. Pretty stupid of you to say.

    3. Oh, I completely agree Yunus!! That was “pretty stupid of you to say,” Layla. Why? Because “Araby guys” have been disloyal for as far back as the beginning of time, if not farther than that! That pathetic phenomena didn’t just start “nowadays.” Most Arabiya’s can vouch for that and if they can’t…. they must be living in the twilight zone where most delusional women can be found.

  23. Wow. I can’t believe this. I was just cheated On too. I’m sorry. Your post actually helped me a lot though. Love the ending. You’re such a great writer. There are better guys out there for us.

    1. Ohhhh….. I’m DAMN SURE OF THAT! Just make sure they’re not sitting on their hip bones.

  24. I would have put his ugly ass on blast more than this. You’re 2 nice.

    1. OMG! Anonymous, that “ugly ass” comment was priceless. Was it a pun, or just a matter of speaking? Either way, I’m seriously considering on having a statue of you erected on the U of M campus, just for that brilliance alone.

  25. What a dick! You dodged a bullet!

    1. Uhhhhh…. no comment!

  26. Been waiting for you to post something new forever! 🙂 I LOVE this post and admire you for taking the high rode. He’s a real jerk…. always knew he wasn’t good for you when I read about him. Didn’t like him at all. Keep your chin up

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