Married Vs Single

Every single woman can completely understand the plight of menstrual cramps, looking for a dress that fits just right, finding jeans that don’t make our asses look flat or in some cases, balloon-like, and of course, –oh, the shame!- being single; at least to many of us who used to be single. You see, there seems to be a trend going around with married women: they suddenly have infiltrated my inner circle of singles, something that didn’t seem to be the case until now. I realized this when I had lunch with my girlfriends, two of which have been married for over two years now.

“I’m so happy Ramadan is over,” said Sumiah. “Is that bad to say?” she added while adjusting her cream-colored floral hijab.

“Very,” said Neima a twenty-seven year old woman who was about as proud of her marital status as she was about her ability to roll one hundred grape leaves in under an hour.

“I mean I love Ramadan, but it’s just nice to have my house back to ourselves. I don’t mind entertaining people, but it was too much at times.

“Well it’s part of being married. Not that you guys are,” said Neima sounding a little judgmental.

After placing our orders and I finished squeezing my fourth lemon into my ice water, Sumiah asked what we had been up to lately. Neima answered and when my turn came around, I was suddenly interrupted midsentence by Neima, who asked, “What’s up with your wedding?”

“I’m sorry? Am I engaged and I didn’t know it.” I said making Sumiah laugh.

“Meaning what’s up with you? When are you getting married?”

“You know we’re both single, right?” I asked laughing out loud, referring to Sumiah who just giggled.

“Actually I’m not single,” corrected Sumiah glowing.

“Oh right I forgot,” I said with a smile remembering that she was in fact off the market and happy with a man her family introduced her to.

“No prospect on the horizon, I just haven’t met anyone yet. That’s all,” I said.

“We’ve all introduced you to someone and you don’t like any of the guys,” said Neima. “I mean I think you’re just being picky at this point. It can’t be that every guy isn’t likeable,” she said mockingly. “You have to stop being picky Faiza, or you’re going to be single for the rest of your life. Just settle down with someone. Anyone! Before it’s too late!”

“Too late?” I said. “What is this a Terminator film?”

“That’s bullshit,” said Sumiah. “Don’t settle!”

“I agree,” I said. “ I don’t believe in settling! If I wanted to settle, I would have been married by now. I don’t want to settle, I want to find love.”

“Fairy tales! Get real Faiza. If you keep looking for love, you will eventually have to settle with someone and by doing so, you won’t give your family the opportunity to see you married. That’s not fair to them!” said Neima rather frustrated with me.

“Did you just settle?” I asked.

“Me?” she said rather shocked. “No! I loved my husband. We fell in love the moment we met at his cousin’s house. I knew I didn’t want to be with anybody else but him and hamdulillah till today I feel the same way.”

I was taken aback. Neima had in fact fallen in love with her husband and was obviously still very much in love with him and yet a few days earlier, she was insisting that I settle down with any man, even if that man happen to be the Russian Yeti, just for the sake of being married.

“I’m confused,” I said “You’re saying that I should settle down and yet you found love. Why wouldn’t you want the same for me?”

“We got married a lot younger Fai, I’m just saying that I think if you want to be married like you always say you ‘wanna’ be, then you have to stop being so picky and lower your standards.”

“Neima, I love you. You’re someone I’ve known for years but what you’re basically saying is that you could find love because you were young when you found it, and yet because I’m twenty eight, I’m not allowed to find love because I’m an old ass… according to Arabs. You use to understand what it was like to be single, to struggle to find that special guy. I know that because we use to sit around and talk about it for hours with a bag of popcorn and packs of Ferreo Roche. I can’t believe you’ve forgotten what it was like being single all because you already said ‘I do!’ I have every right in this world to find love at any age… regardless if I’m labeled old, a grazing cow, a spinster, or an old maid. I’m not lucky like you, Samira, and all of the other married girls we know, to have found love yet, but to say that I should put my standards aside and just settle because if I don’t I’ll be alone forever, is insane. I would rather be single and happy, than married and miserable.”

“OK,” she said, a hint of judgment still in her voice.

“Don’t settle,” added Sumiah sternly. “That’s the stupid Araby approach to marriage. Just get married khalas! Fuck that! If I don’t love you, I’m not marrying you.” If I did what my parents wanted me to do–the same thing you’re asking Fai to do–” said Sumiah to Neima sipping her water, “…then I would have been married, yeah, but nothing else. No love, no romance, and never mind the fact that I wouldn’t have met Adam,” she said telling us the name of her mystery man for the first time.

Sumiah had been very private about the man who seemed to have swept her off her feet. A man her father introduced her to, although, contrary to her belief that he would never come up with a likely candidate for her.

“We both remember what it was like to be single,” Sumiah said looking right at Neima. “So let’s not forget that love comes to people in different ways, at different times in their life. You can’t force or pressure it. You just kind of have to let it happen when it happens.”

I had never heard Sumiah talk this way before and it was obviously not only a shock to me, but to Neima. We had always known Sumiah to be a rather pessimistic woman who not only hated the idea of marriage, but pitied any woman who went from single to wedded as unromantically as a business deal. But Sumiah was absolutely right. Being single is hard. It’s so freaking hard. And to all of those married women out there, who have seemingly forgotten how difficult the single struggle is, I say to you, that although you may think finding love is easy, IT’S NOT because we all have standards that we need to meet. No, that doesn’t mean that we’re all searching for prince charming, with chiseled features and a muscular body, although those things would be freaking great, but rather what we ladies are really searching for is the character of a man; someone who is smart, articulate, kind, loyal, honest, someone who values the vows of marriage. Until that day, when we find The One, only then will we be ready to settle down and raise a family and it will be in a loving household. Until that day comes, we will not settle or lower our standards because society, culture, our families, or our married girlfriends say that we should. A true friend married or not, will want you to have the best, like Sumiah, even if you are twenty eight.

66 thoughts on “Married Vs Single

  1. I’m a 24 year old Palestinian muslim who is single and I completely agree with you! All my married girlfriends have seem to have forgotten what it’s like being single and believe that I shouldn’t have the same standards when looking for a life partner as they once did. It’s absolutely ridiculous how hypocritical they are, always telling me to settle. I refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

  2. Well! I am away for a little vacation and come back to these insults? What’s with the language, folks? Maybe you lack proper vocabulary, is that what this is about?

  3. I’m addicted

  4. This is a really good blog. I’m hooked.

  5. FELLOW EXPIRED FOLK: PLEASE TONE IT DOWN WITH THE FOUL LANGUAGE. WE CAN GET OUR POINT ACROSS WITHOUT RESORTING TO SUCH UGLY WAYS OF DOING SO. WE ALL HAVE A RIGHT TO BELIEVE AS WE WISH. OUR DIFFERENCES DON’T STOP US FROM BEING BROTHERS AND SISTERS EVEN IF WE DON’T SHARE THE SAME PARENTS, FAITH, OR RACE. SO, LET’S RESPECT EACH OTHER AND TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS, AND THAT WAY OTHERS WHO HAPPEN TO COME ACROSS OUR LITTLE SITE WILL SEE THAT WE’RE ALL ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY LOOKING FOR LOVE AND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE.

    1. salam sister. very well put.

    2. Thank you

  6. You bitches are all a bunch of jealous, hating sharameet!!!!!!! and Faiza is the biggest of them all. SHAME, SHAME

    1. is that you ARABS?

      1. Why, Sir Michael, are Arab women the ONLY bitches? And don’t answer that unless you’re going to answer it fairly and without a potty mouth.

        1. lol. i will pretend my mother is in the room. that old catholic bitch.

          i was thinking that that was the same person as the old ‘THE ARABS’ who were the leader of once? 😉

          as pink floyd might have once said…’tear down the wall’. wait, that was reagan.

          or tear down the bus stop ads.

          http://www.jukebo.com/nazareth/music-clip,now-youre-messin-with-a-son-of-a-bitch,xxm0sz.html

    2. calm down al bundy

    3. honestly your life sounds great and super fulfilling you should be out enjoying it badel ma ti2e3de tziti 7ake bala 7aya

      tfoo 3a heik tasaroff

      1. I bet that you’re still sitting on the sidelines hoping that some desperado looks your way, right Malak?

        1. hahaha i criticize your tongue and you prop up your marriage as if it’s your only defense
          are you okay?

          1. Oh I’m very okay. I’m married, remember? I have a man who takes care of me and all I have to do is sit back and watch TV all day long. Ha, Ha to all you single loosers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          2. OMG, I almost passed up this ditty! You’re sitting here bragging about looking at TV all day? What a fucked up stupid bitch you are! And you’ve got the cojones to call us “loosers”? Damn, bitch, you’re seriously fucked up in the head. Betcha he’s got you so content because he’s screwing your sister, or your girlfriend, behind your fat ass and as long as you’re stuck to the boob-tube like a brainless zombie, he can keep filling up their pumps! Dumb ass bitch! Now…. quick….. General Hospital is just about to start. Stupid bitch!

        2. Oh, go fuck yourself since I doubt your husband is doing a good enough job on his own! There…….. now onto the next asshole!

    4. What is wrong with you. You’re disgusting. I assume you’re Muslim and talking to other Muslim sisters like this I so ugly. You should be ashamed of yourself.

      1. YES I’m Muslim! And damn proud of it too! And you know what… I’ll talk whichever way I please!! OKAY!! And I don’t take well to being told how to act, talk, etc. So go to hell!!!!

        1. Now, I don’t blame Khalida for putting you in your place. How ugly. You’re an embarrassment to Muslims and married women.

      2. i think this sister is trying to stand for the single girls but not in the right way. but the other girls who is married and loves it is such a very ugly person.

    5. Sheeesh, very high class aren’t you!

  7. Now more than ever does the world need a light hearted Palestinian woman in the media.

    1. I think you’re exactly that person Faiza. May God bless you and bring you plenty of success

    2. I ditto that ten-fold Anonymous!! Hey, btw, are you the “Anonymous” responsible for those little literary ditties such as: Hamlet, Richard II, Macbeth, etc, etc, etc?

      Just being a smart arse!

      1. you are going with the theory that bill didn’t write all those ditties. the other playwrights had fallen out of favor with the ruling class, so they pushed them all through bill? is that now accepted theory for you old time studiers? although that hardly seems ancient?

        1. Walla you girls are jealous of the married girls. That is why you say these things. May be you all are not married because the mens do not like old woman and sharameet. Haram Faiza. You did not give your father that wish. Haram. You are disgusting. Really.

          1. Who are you and why are you here? Nobody would be jealous of married women. None of us are dying to be married and end up fat and unattractive and always tired and nagging. Sounds really fun.

          2. BITCH, DID YOU JUST CALL ME A WOMAN? the name mike is short for michael. it’s a male name even for a stupid Arab. walla, whatever the fuck that means, you can suck my cock you fag.

          3. yea, yea fuck you too bitch!

          4. @Sir Michael………. and how exactly did you get involved in the “bitch” calling? We’re pointing to the ho who thinks she’s got it made because she got hooked by some scumbag like anyone gives a rat’s ass!!

        2. You know what Sir Michael… since I wasn’t sitting there holding up the candles for Will, or whomever else felt like penning his inner mosts inner most, I have no idea if he, or the Jolly Green Giant wrote all those works and I honestly don’t give a hoot! They’re beautiful and that’s all that matters to me. Let the English lit scholars burn brain cells trying to figure it out.

    3. I agree with this.

  8. Oh yea, I hate those bitches with a passion. You know how I handle it…. with two magical words…. “F*+K OFF!!” Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not the least bit jealous of married women, because I wouldn’t trade places with them even if they told Joseph Attieh was waiting for me inside a Louis Vuitton store with Deed in hand as my dowry!!

    When I give a wedding gift… it’s inside a Sincere Sympathy card!

    1. who the fuck is joseph attieh?

      1. Mike… is that you? I’m sorry I’ve gone AWOL on you. Some way to pay back a friend who was there when I really needed one.

        Oh, Joseph Attieh is an Arabic singer.

        1. I googled him. looked dreamy, but I was surprised. Lebanese. didn’t think you cared for those to the west.

          I would almost believe it if he looked at me and said, “I love your eyes” and “don’t go”. if I wasn’t a kafir. 😉 oh well.

          1. I am sooooooooooooo tired of hearing you, and your cronies,nag about being single. Just get married and quit hating. No wonder no one wants you guys.

          2. Yea, uhu, keep telling yourself that in between kicks and slaps. That should keep you “loving it” even more. As swipe!

          3. No, you’re right, I don’t like them. And can you clarify what the bottom of that conversation is all about? I actually used him as an example. Don’t like him! Don’t think he’s dreamy! I think he’s overweight and looks like someone stuck a grenade in his mouth! And if he looked at me in the eyes and told me not to go, I’d tell him to go screw himself.

      2. He’s the hottest Arab singer in the world. Lol

        1. Is he? Me thinks Amr Diab gives him a run for his money.

        2. when i was young girl abdel halim hafez was like joseph attah to us. only with a better voice. today the arabic singers are good, but in those days they were better. the music was better. i think everything was better.

          1. holy s&^t did someone just break out an arabic elvis or sinatra?

            the more cultures change, the more they stay the same.

    2. You should be cursing and using bad language like that. I’ve been following this site for a long time and never heard language like this. What’s happening. It’s such a bad reflection on Muslims.

      1. I agree. I know that Khalida can sometimes be a big mouth and doesn’t always know when to put a lid on it….. but that Married and Loving It person is such an ugly person. So, even though KM shouldn’t have gone that far, personally….. I think MLI really deserved it. But ladies……. please remember……. we Muslims have a bad rap as it is…. always put our best face forward.

  9. Faiza you really are an inspiration to me and so many others. Thank you for that.

    1. In more ways than one 🙂

    2. She’s very inspirational to me to. I’m 35 and divorced so I’m single and hates it did so long but she made me see that even if I think I’m alone I’m not. And when she gets depressed like these past two posts about being alone I realize that she’s vnurable like me too. I love that.

      1. Awwww….. I love you my Anonymous friend. Don’t worry. We’re all not alone. We’ve got Faiza and we’ve got each other. We can always come here and vent, and gripe, and complain, and share our joys. This is our “little bit of heaven” like a fellow poster very eloquently wrote. Remember. No worries. Our day will come.

  10. In love with your blog.

    1. Me too

  11. Great blog Faiza. Just found a little piece of heaven.

  12. Your such a great writer Faiza. Thank you for motivating me to stay true to me.

    1. Words right out of my own mind.

  13. For years I’ve heard the same thing. Over and over. It’s like leave me alone. Why do you care and worry so much about when I get married. You’re not being invited anyway.

    1. Lol I’m going to be very picky about who’s invited to my wedding next time because I don’t want hypocrites there who judged me for being divorced and single. Smallest Arab wedding ever lololololol

  14. I’m 28 and I also understand what it’s like to have so many small minded bitches in this community try to tell me I should get married and I’m old and all this stuff. It’s like leave me alone. Wulluh I say the same exact thing you said to her but the only difference is that I never have a friend like Sumiah defend me. Everyone teams up against me and I’m tired of it. I’ve had such bad luck with guys and my family acts like I’ll never get married and focus more on my younger sisters than me. I hate it. But your posts always give me hope. Because if you’re waiting then I can wait too. I’m no different and were so much alike. Thank you for being an inspiration to me.

  15. It’s so hard to be alone and that’s why I absolutely in love with your blog. You get it and understand what it’s like. I love that about you. So thank you so much for making me feel normal and for giving me someone who understands what it’s like to be a single Muslim Palestinian girl.

  16. Married girls are jealous of single girls because they don’t want their husbands liking or fantasizing about their single friends because their single. I know this because I have a lot of experience in that. Neima is just jealous of you. Bet her husband thinks your hot and that’s why she wants you married.

    1. Oh please! Jealous of what? Stick Stickly. Yes okay. You girls have lost it!

      1. Fuck you!

  17. Absolutely RIGHT. It’s not easy staying single- after some time you desire companionship and a family and all those married people things. It’s not like you or I chose to be single – didn’t meet THE guy.

    I’ve met a lot of men in the living room (seriously, do you know how silly it looks written down? Tsk) and it’s not easy to just say yes. Sometimes the other party says NO when you’re all for it; sometimes his mom’s making so many faces, you’d rather not risk spending your life in that house; sometimew your parents want it and you don’t; and the list of situations goes on and on. So if you haven’t gotten married yet, big deal. He’ll either come or you’ll live with 40million cats. Life can be lived with a million regrets or optimistically. Having said that, I think we should all – male or female- make an effort to never stop trying but at the same time never to settle. Settling seems to be alright in the beginning but there are a TRAIL of problems that come with it. ‘He was fine at the beginning, but now he has such a potty mouth’ or ‘We used to have decent conversations but now if he gives me a grunt, I consider myself lucky’

    Been there. Still doing it.

  18. as usual great writing 🙂

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