He Body Shamed Me

7 thoughts on “He Body Shamed Me

  1. I loved it… Girl you are amazing….i love you… And thankyou for this podcast…i am married with two kids… After my first I was back to being perfect…like I was before the baby… But after my second I hv got this bit of a protruding stomach… Because of the c section and I il get rid of it too soon… I know I can… But my husband kept on pointing it out all the time… So one day I told him… May be you should hv given birth to your children yourself… Lol… Like imagine the audacity these men have… Like hello… It was you bun baking in here…instead of being thankful you are going to body shame me now… Screw you… Lol…

  2. Faiza, I happened upon this bit almost by accident. I am a man who couldn’t agree more with what you’ve said here. I had sort of the converse experience. When I met my wife, she already had breast implants. She comes from a culture that almost “naturally” encourages women to get implants and where women embrace plastic surgery as a privilege. It was my first time being intimate with someone who had breast implants. I actually like smaller natural breasts, but we hit it off right away and I accepted her for who she was and we moved in together. I didn’t really know how much her people valued plastic surgery and it never occurred to me that she wasn’t “finished”. One day she returned home from a “business trip” in bandages and obvious pain. Without telling me or even prior discussion, specifically or even in general, she had gotten liposuction, a tummy tuck, and glute injections. I was appalled. We were not yet married and I spent the next several days caring for her and helping her to heal. The surgeon didn’t do a very good job, or else my wife should not have been allowed to be moving around. She had very unsightly scars that took years to smooth out and still are quite obvious. When I met her, she was a bit plump, moreso than most girls I had been with, but that never mattered to me. Her body was beautiful to me, and I told her so, and she even had told me before the surgery that it was the first time in her life that she felt confident to walk around naked in front of her because of the way I looked at her she was confident, so I know that she understood that I thought she was perfect. But after the change, I had a very difficult time being intimate with her. In fact we never returned to the frequency or intensity of passion we once shared. I don’t want to make it sound like this was the only problem we had, as you can probably guess, but today we are married in name only, live apart, and will eventually finalize our divorce. I’m sure she has had other work done, and she really does look amazing, having transformed herself to her liking, I guess, but I am just not attracted to her at all. It saddens me that people want to modify their bodies when nothing is “wrong”. On the other hand, I guess I want to support any woman who feels so insecure that surgery seems like the only way to overcome it, but really I would suggest counseling and finding the right partner before anything like that. I feel like it was bait and switch. I lost the beautiful woman I fell in love with, and instead I got a stepford wife. As her looks changed, so did her personality, and I was no longer good enough for her. She also began to criticize my performance in bed. I never told her that I had to think of someone else to even get that far. This was shaming to me and eventually I just lost interest altogether. I want to assure women out there that the ocean is indeed full of fish, and for every IBT, there is someone who will not only accept that but actually LOVE it about you. I feel like there is something uniquely YOU about every part of your body, right down to your eye color, and any attempt to permanently change yourself brings with it a price. I support people’s right to do what they please with their bodies, but if you’re doing it for anyone other than yourself, you are making a mistake. And if you become someone different, you might just attract a different type of person, and perhaps not how you might think (my wife eventually cheated and has had heartbreak; she is alone now). Consider that in the context of relationship. For me, I would never suggest alteration…I wouldn’t have been attracted otherwise. If your date wants bigger tits, tell him to go find them. There are plenty of fake hard melons out there. Revel in your perkies, ladies, or let fly those ginormaboobs, or whatever. To find true love, start with loving yourself, inside and out.

    1. Your comment: “I guess I want to support any woman who feels so insecure that surgery seems like the only way to overcome it, but really I would suggest counseling and finding the right partner before anything like that.”

      You’re clearly a superficial a–hole who made your wife feel insecure. You made your wife feel that she was not good enough somehow and that is why she got surgery. For example, you leak out how you preferred small natural breasts and that your wife was plumper than what you’re used too. But here you are complaining about her getting liposuction. You probably made passive-aggressive comments or complimented women who don’t look like her, but here you are acting innocent and playing victim. I bet she caught you staring and oogling women, but you act all innocent. Women don’t get plastic surgery if their man truly makes them feel special and good about their bodies. I know you made underhanded comments expressing displeasure at her fake boobs and plumpness.

      And here you write: “I never told her that I had to think of someone else to even get that far.” You somehow communicated to her that you weren’t satisfied with her but then sit here and complain how she said your performance in bed sucked.

      “She turned into a Stepford wife”- You mean she actually had higher masculine expectations of you. As a man, you are so used to devaluing a woman’s worth and having control and power to criticize, when she got confidence and turned around and did it to you, you couldn’t handle it. You weren’t man enough for her. You were not turned off by her sexy body because you admit she looked great- you got turned off because she actually expected you to be a real man and masculine – she wanted you to make more money like a real man and to take charge in bed like a real man. She wasn’t putting up with your lazy, beta BS no more and you felt so dominant prior to her looking hot that it shocked you to have the tables turned.

      Next, women are made to feel insecure by men and our society overall, so don’t victim-blame them when they are insecure about their bodies. You can’t remove women from the framework of the ridiculously high expectations society has for women. When we’re bombarded by the media and men objectifying perfect beautiful women all around us, you can’t turn around and say something is wrong with an individual woman and she needs counseling for being insecure do to that. You’re a typical a**hole.

      And in your comment you’re telling women to be perfect before being in a relationship. I can tell you’re an emotional abuser because emotionally supportive men don’t shame women for being vulnerable and insecure. They see their job to be emotional protectors of women instead. This comment also reeks of a double standard because when males get into relationships, they want women to accept them in their half-assed accomplished, broke, loser selves, but women need to be happy and perfect before getting into relationships? I can so tell you’re such a Piece of sh*t gas-lighter.

      1. Wow the level of assumptions about men and this man in particular and judgment in your post is scary. I think you should reconsider and try to look at this fairly. Your words are pretty hurtful and insensitive

        1. My comment is aimed at Ameerah

      2. Ameerah, it seems like you have a lot of anger directed toward men. I hope you can work to overcome that. You clearly missed my message. Your assumption that women only get plastic surgery because of their mates couldn’t be more wrong. That is, in fact, the entire point of my story. I loved the way she looked. She loved the way I loved to look at how she looked. Then she went and did this thing because she comes from a culture where almost all women do. She did it because she had the money and the opportunity. I agree with what you said about society. Clearly the pressure she felt from society to change outweighed how I felt and was long ingrained in her before I ever came along. As also stated, we had other problems. You act as if you know me. You don’t. You act as if you know my wife. You don’t. You can continue hating me, someone you don’t even know, because you hate all men, or you can take the positive message from my story. That message is this: Whatever physical attributes you feel are flaws might just be attributes that the right person considers beautiful. So if you are being body shamed or even body shaming yourself, you should probably find the person or become the person who loves you for who you are.

  3. Faiza this is beautiful… I think I have never come across this topic anywhere but very imp. Subject. I call it aduse as you said it.

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