Since the moment I spoke about meeting The Count, a man who had expressed his interest in me, by sending me a small and incredibly sentimental Penguin, it seemed everyone wanted to know every bit of what was going on between us. The Number 1 question everyone seem to ask was, “Have you gone on your date yet?” The Count and I, were scheduled to go on our first date exactly three weeks from the day we met. It might seemed like a long time to wait for a date, but considering The Count was not in the States, it was all we could hope for. I have never been a fan of long distance relationships, and since realizing that this would be exactly that, I was not exactly excited about the entire situation. I believed since The Count traveled so often to the States, for work, and I was under the impression that meeting was not going to be an issue, I did my best not to make an issue of it. The Count was so worth the wait;Three weeks seemed like forever, but the man was well worth it. Unfortunately, I was wrong! It was NOT going to be that easy, after all.
We could have met sooner, since he continuously invited me to meet him on his travels in Paris, Turkey, Abu Dhabi, etc. I didn’t accept any of his invitations, because, call me old fashion, but I believe a man comes to a woman; especially for a first date.
I had a dress picked out and the perfect heels. Both of which I excitedly showed all of you on my Instagram Live Feed. It may have been three weeks away, but I’m a planner and I plan for everything, especially the things I’m most excited about. Despite wishing The Count was here, we did our best to talk everyday, which we did, even if only via text. Busy schedules and time zone differences, did catch up with us though, and it seemed that despite trying, my initial beliefs about the difficulties of a long distance relationship, started becoming an issue. Especially after The Count’s trip to Chicago was cancelled due to work issues, which meant… our scheduled date, was going to have to be rescheduled. I could have waited, despite how hard it was, but when he told me that work was going to restrict him from coming to Chicago, for another couple of months, I was very unhappy.
The Count was very persistent though. He tried over and over to show me that distance was nothing but a word, and that despite the miles that kept us apart, he was right there with me: flowers, pictures, constant daily updates, etc. But it caught up with me. Especially those nights when I wished he was only a drive away for a hug, a sunset, or a drive around town- the windows down and our hands held tight. I’m not a needy woman, but I am a woman who knows what she needs. I need a man I can meet up for a long embrace. I need a man who will sit beside me as we watch the sunrise on one of those mornings when insomnia didn’t allow us to rest. I need a man who can sit across me, brushing the hair behind my ear as we sit an enjoy each others conversation. I need a man who’s only a drive away, not a long flight away, and The Count was much too far, for a woman who wanted him ever so close.
I expressed my unhappiness about the distance between The Count and I, to him, and he was as always, very understanding, and did his best to put my mind at ease. He once again pleaded with me to meet him at one of his work stops, but I just didn’t feel comfortable with that. So I told him.
“So that’s it! You’re just gonna give up on us before we’ve had a chance to even start?” he said.
I apologized, but I couldn’t find it in me to change how I was feeling- even after The Count tried over and over to convince me to wait or come to him. I stood my ground, despite The Count’s attempts to make me see or feel otherwise. I didn’t want to seem like I was giving up or that I am being impatient, but I had to trust the one thing I constantly chose to ignore countless times before- my instinct.
And so we said our goodbyes, and although it hurt, I know it was the right decision to make because when it comes to finding love- I’m not a girl who wants an ocean between us in either body or spirit.