So you’ve been faced with, ‘The End,’ of your relationship and naturally you’re feeling all types of ways. Hurt. Overwhelmingly Sad. Hopeless. Desperate. Lost. Confused. But mostly broken. You’re wondering if he’ll come back. If you can change his mind. Remind him of all the reasons why you two are fated and destined to move past this. You stare at your phone after sending that embarrassing text which will later empower you, wondering when he’ll respond; see the light, realize that you’re ‘The One.’ You want answers! You want clarity! You want a resolution!
I know this all too well because in September of 2015 I faced, ‘The End,’ of my almost three year relationship. It ended every bit as messy as possible. No matter how hard I tried to forget him and the entire situation, the reality of ‘The End’ wasn’t one my mind could accept. It would not accept it. I felt alone. Even if I had the company of others who were compassionate, I still felt alone. Like nobody really, truly understood my situation or how I was feeling. Everyone tells you to move on, to start focusing on you and forget him. It’s become a pattern in the way we Y2K’ers heal after heartbreak. Be sad for a few days and then change your relationship status to Single. Start posting selfies that say you’re fabulous, happy, and totally better off without him. Focus on YOU and then move on, because “there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” But that’s NOT the reality. You’re not sad for a few days, you’re sad for months. You don’t want to change your relationship status to ‘Single,’ because you don’t want him to think that means he can move on, because you’re still claiming him as your own. You hold onto hope that you two will make it work. Behind that filter and your phony hastags you’re not fabulous, you’re broken. You’re not happy, you’re miserable. And, although you are absolutely better off without him, you don’t think so yet. You can’t start focusing on you, because you don’t even know who that person is anymore. And there may be “plenty of fish in the sea,” but you didn’t want anyone other than the one your heart is currently longing for.
That’s why from this moment moving forward I want you to ELIMINATE every bit of what you’ve been told to do to heal from your heartbreak. Every bit of it! Because as of this moment that’s all about to change. For the next 12 months YOU are now locked into a journey of “Feeling to Healing,” where my goal is to take you, “From Broken to FABULOUS!!!”
A year ago today, I found myself exactly where you are. I went through every moment, every tear, every single painful hour. The days you don’t crave food, you crave answers. You don’t want sleep, you want his arms around you. You don’t want to say goodbye, but live in hello forever. I get it! I was there!
Each month was a struggle not only to heal, but to search for closure and discover myself. There’s nothing like a breakup to force you to sit in front of a mirror and really look at YOU! Do you like the reflection? Are you really happy with yourself? What is your purpose? These are the types of questions I’m going to encourage you to answer throughout this yearlong journey
A year ago today I would have answered:
Do you like the reflection? NO
Are you really happy with yourself? NO
What is your purpose? WTF IS THAT!
A year later:
Do you like the reflection? NO! I fucking LOVE my reflection!
Are you really happy with yourself? Happy. Proud. Inspired by ME!
What is your purpose? To live the life I want and inspire others to do the same after facing a heartbreak.
Do you have any idea how hard it was to make that change? HARD! But if publicly documenting my journey proved one thing, it’s that it’s ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE to find life after heartbreak. I learned that a girl can fall hard, but she can definitely adjust her heels and get her ass up again. That letting go is the greatest and most fulfilling thing you can do on your journey to self discovery. That pain is your greatest motivator and inspiration. That judging yourself less is exactly how you learn to love yourself more.
I was able to make that transformation in a year because I did the one thing many of us don’t allow ourselves to do: Feel. I allowed myself to feel every bit of the emotions that were coming at me, with NO APOLOGIES! Despite attempts to try and alter my feelings, I didn’t allow anyone to tell me how I was allowed to feel, even if it didn’t make me the best company or when it made me look weak. I have learned many things through my year of recovery and journey to love myself and it’s those lessons I want to share with each and every one of you because it CHANGED MY LIFE and I know it can do the same for you!
So, as I am going to do every month, I’m about to list a instructions as-well as a ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ for the month of January and it’s VERY important to do EVERY SINGLE ONE listed. Do NOT get sidetracked, distracted, lazy, or simply give up. NO! This is NOT an option for this journey you’re about to embark on. This is about recovering and finding YOURSELF! Don’t give up on that. Because the moment you discover you, you’re life will completely transform as mine has.
Besides, you won’t want to give up because you’re going to realize very early on just how much I understand heartbreak and a lack of self love. You are in good, compassionate, and understanding hands.
DO NOT PRINT THE BELOW PAGE
WRITE IT OUT!
PUT IT IN YOUR PLANNER
Writing it out, is going to become very therapeutic for you in your journey to heartbreak recovery and self love.
Take A Raw Selfie
In 21st century fashion, we’re going to start this journey with a selfie. Not just any selfie. The selfie that you take directly after crying, makeup smeared or no makeup on at all, when you just spent a few hours looking through your pictures, messages, and videos shared between you and the man you thought you were destined to spend the rest of your life with. Or in my case, when you just got out of the Starbucks bathroom after crying for ten minutes and trying to get back to meeting your blog deadline when you can’t think of anything but the future you now face without him.
I look back at this picture and although I wish I would have been looking at the camera, it’s a reminder that once I was broken, and today I’ve put the platinum pieces back together bigger, better, and stronger.
It serves as a reminder of how far I’ve come, a year later. You’re going to be surprised how different your raw selfie is going to look on day 365. So get raw!
Way Too Many Feels
Say this to yourself three times, “I’m so sad. I’m so sad. I’m so sad!” I want you to validate to yourself that what you’re going through right now is VERY hard. Loss doesn’t have to only be caused by death to hurt this badly. Because after all, you’re facing the reality of living perpetually in ‘goodbye’ to someone you envisioned a future with. THIS IS VERY HARD! Remember that! Because when YOU recognize that this is hard others won’t treat your feelings as if your memories can be so easily erased. You’re feelings are not meant to be treated like a light switch; they’re meant to be FELT! So feel them.
I titled your first month of this “From Broken To FABULOUS,” journey ‘Feels’ because it’s exactly what I want you all to do throughout this month: Feel. If you want to be sad-BE SAD. If you want to cry all day- CRY. Feel. Feel. Feel.
That includes listening to all those songs that make you feel like an emotional masochist. The songs that make you think of him and what you believe you might have been. I had 5 songs on repeat during my first month of healing:
1. The Worst- Jhene Aiko
2. Close To You- Rihanna
3. I Miss You- Blink 182
4. Dynasty- MIIA
5. We Were In Love- Ta-Ku
DOWNLOAD ALL FIVE! These songs made me cry every single time I listened to them, and although people always tried to encourage me not to listen to sad love songs, I found myself listening to them anyway. I found comfort in knowing someone understood my pain in a way that was uncensored and real. I know those who love me didn’t want to see me sad, crying, or antisocial, but it felt right to just feel pretty shitty about saying goodbye to my relationship- even if it didn’t make me so pleasant to be around. You have the right to be sad. The right to be angry. The right to be bitter. Feel to heal.
One thing you are not ready to do: Date. DO NOT try to fill a void with a void aka a rebound. You just got out of a relationship. You’re not emotionally ready to get to know another human being just yet. Value what you had enough to know that it cannot, nor should it, be easily replaced simply because you crave company or because you miss him. Miss him. It’s normal. This time is about you and your healing. No distractions. Feel to heal.
YOU’RE FABULOUS, INSTAGRAM LIVE
January 14th, 2017 – Cuddle up, sit in your car, or maybe even at work and get ready for a 2 Hour Instagram Live Feed. These “You’re FABULOUS,” instagram live sessions will take place every first, middle and last day of every month. My aim with these sessions is to see your progress, help motivate, inspire, and validate your purpose to continue on with this journey. You will also have an opportunity to have your questions answered.
To participate in this private session: $8.00 (DETAILS WILL BE POSTED ON JAN 12th & 13TH)
It’s natural to crave an escape when we face difficult times. I know I did. After my relationship ended, I planned a road trip with my girlfriend. Financially it was affordable and bound to be enjoyable- so I saw it as a ‘WIN WIN.’ Unfortunately, my ex came in with some fuckery and I was forced to stay home. But this turned out to be one of the best circumstances in my road to recovery and loving myself. Staying in Chicago forced me to face the reality of my situation which is exactly what staying put is going to do for you to. Sure a change of scenery and distance will make you feel better about your current situation, but it only does so temporarily. The moment you come home, you are forced to face the reality you were trying to escape from. You can’t outrun your feelings and you’re not meant to. A change of scenery will be a temporary fix. Stay put.
Get Into A No Judgment Reflection Routine
Heartbreak does a lot to a girl’s confidence. Especially a girl already struggling with who she is. This is why you need to get into a no judgment reflection routine. This needs to happen every morning and night for the next month for exactly ten seconds at a time. For 10 Seconds just look at yourself without any criticism or judgement. Silence the voices and all the insecurities; just look at yourself. At first you’ll hate your reflection. You’ll want to look away. You’ll want to put yourself down. DON’T! Just silence all the noise and simply look at yourself. This constant habit of staring at YOU, will not only subconsciously establish a connection between YOU, and YOURSELF, but it’ll start the journey to self-love by forcing you to look at the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
PLAY, CRY, REPEAT
Music is going to be a HUGE part of your healing and self discovery through the next twelve months. So get ready to download a lot of music. The three that need to be on your “From Broken, To FABULOUS’,’ list this month are songs that I had on repeat every single day.
Morning: Sun Is Rising- Britt Nicole
Afternoon: I Bet – Ciara
Evening: Clean- Taylor Swift
Saturday Night Fever – Hey Ya- Outkast
When you wake up in the morning, this song needs to be heard. Whether you’re laying in bed, or driving in your car, or shopping. Whatever the case is, you are listening to this song every single morning for the next month. Why? Because it’s so important to remember that there’s life after heartbreak.
Your afternoon’s are served with a reminder from Ciara that you deserve better even if you still miss him and don’t want to say goodbye. And that one day he’ll realize exactly what he lost. What girl facing heartbreak doesn’t want that?
Then comes that blanket of darkness. The time when the real depression kicks in. The time you’re curled up on your bed, the floor, a chair just sobbing and wishing things were so different. The night… you’re wondering how you’ll ever recover. IF you can ever recover. That’s where Taylor Swift’s ‘Clean’ comes in. Those of you who have followed me know just how important this song has been to me throughout my journey. I even incorporated it into my Saturday Night Fever sessions.
Which leads me to YOUR Saturday Night Fever Jam Song. I want this song that will change monthly to be on BLAST in your car every Saturday or night. Hey Ya by Outkast is your first SNF jam out song. Dance like nobody watching. This is YOUR time to release and just let go. WHO CARES WHO’S WATCHING!!! Jam away.
I would listen to it and just cry and cry and cry; hoping that one day I would be able to really mean every word of it and not just lip syncing. Last January I didn’t believe it was possible. Today I can tell you it is.
Take ME Out To The Mall Day
January 31st: You’ve gone 30 days feeling shitty, but today you’re going to take the fake it till you make it approach. That means fake that you want to get out of bed, get dressed, and head over to the mall- which is exactly what you’re going to do. While you’re there, you’re going to buy 2 items:
1. A new pair of heels.
Keyword: NEW! This is very important to start your new journey in a pair of heels that have no memory. Choose an inch and style that makes you feel sexy, confident and empowered.
2. Buy a crown
Choose a size, a style, a color that says, “I’m FABULOUS!” I found mine at The Dollar Store while buying a shit load of candy to tide me over for my next cry session that night. So, it wasn’t exactly FABULOUS, but that’s what my imagination is there for. To me I was walking around with a crown to rival Miss Universe. BUY YOUR CROWN.
Because you’re to be wearing both when you take YOURSELF out on a date that night ALONE. That’s right. I’m telling you to go out in public with a crown on alone. It can be for dinner, coffee, a movie, book browsing, or simply a walk around town. Whatever the situation is, you are dressed up- makeup, heels, and crown in place, and out ALONE!
Spending time alone is absolutely vital during this time of self discovery and healing.You may feel sad or awkward at first spending time alone. I mean, you’re still at the stage where you’re not exactly comfortable with yourself, therefore spending time with yourself might be pretty disconcerting. But it’s another part of this recovery, and it’s totally necessary for your growth and healing. So wake up, makeup, and TAKE YOURSELF OUT!
Shoot Snaps. Take Selfies like I did here. Get On IG Live. Share your day with others who can share in the excitement of your healing. Celebrate the fact that you have just started taking the steps towards finally taking your life into your own hands; find what makes you happy after having to say goodbye to your relationship.
I will be having a 2 Private 2 Hour Instagram Live Ventsession on this same day to hear all about your day and check in on your progress. To participate in this session is $8.00. Details will be posted on Jan 29th & 30th.
It’s time to make broken beautiful. Feeling, logical. And loving REAL!
This is about showing you that the end of your relationship doesn’t mean ‘The End’ of your life.
To feeling, healing, and learning to love yourself!
Day 1 starts NOW!