HELP! I’m so confused! So, a friend of mine for years approached me speaking about marriage and about how he had already spoken to his mother about me. I asked to get to know him a bit better before we proceed further. He then asked if I have gone all the way before, and being the sweet girl I am, I was completely honest with him. After that, I realized that he has been wanting to F around ever since. I stopped him, and put him back in his place. What confuses me is that I don’t know if my answer to his question changed my image to him, and tbh, he got me to a new low in my life. What should I do and how do you think I can handle this situation?
A Girl In The Arab World
Dear Girl In An Arab World,
I don’t know why the V question is one that seems to be asked by certain men as a normal formality, and yet it’s not a question we women consider asking them. I believe it’s completely inappropriate for a man to ask a woman this question. Even if it was, “Have you ever F’d around,” it comes back to the real question they want to know: “Are you a Virgin or not?” I think it’s also your right to completely reject answering this question with a simple, “That’s a very inappropriate question to ask a woman.” We don’t respond this way, because we’re afraid that answer might mean we’re not virgins, and therefore, a major slut. But that’s not the case at all. Your virginity, or lack thereof, should NOT be open for discussion by anyone, unless YOU would like to discuss it yourself; and by that I mean YOU initiate the conversation for whatever reason.
Here’s the Hard Truth: in cultures like the Arab culture they value a woman’s decency and self worth based solely on her V Card; a woman will always be judged on whether she is, or is not, a Virgin. This will never change for many of the men who stubbornly cling to this cave man mentality. So it is up to us WOMEN to take a stand on it! Now, I’m not telling you to start a revolution, but rather, not to be afraid to answer with, “That’s a very offensive question to ask a woman!” You should never have answered that question, because it’s only feeding the cultural belief that a woman’s worth is valued by the writing on her V-Card. Whether you’re a virgin, have F’d around or not, is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS! Just as you wouldn’t ask him about his past and if he’s F’d around, or not. Never mind the fact that if he’s Muslim, he shouldn’t have F’d around either, considering the faith isn’t sexiest like the culture. Both women, and MEN, are to have clean V-Cards. Not just women!!!
Your body belongs to YOU! Your past is YOURS! You share both with someone worthy of that information. Not some Fuckboy who’s only going to use that information, to try and shish kabob with you, or worse, use it to guilt, belittle, or threaten your reputation, as it has been done to countless women.
This boy was not worth your time, energy, or you belittling or feeling badly about yourself. We all make mistakes. Seek forgiveness from the ONLY person who can judge, and forgive you: God! Not any man!